22 Therapy Sessions and Realizations, & a Decision
by Taylor Hayes
Summary: Sequel to 22 Letters and Notes, and a Song. Now that Kurt is awake, his doctor has insisted he see a psychologist. In the course of these sessions, he learns more about himself and those he loves.
1. Prologue

_a/n This fic has two other stories that come before it. They are titled "22 Calls and a Hospital" and "22 Letters and Notes, and a Song"._

**… …**

**…**

**… …**

**Prologue - Initial Therapy Session**

Kurt Hummel, gifted countertenor, exceptional dresser and diva extraordinaire, studied the two women who had emerged from the office.

He was seated in a small, comfortable waiting room, with a couch and armchairs, rather than the hard plastic seats found in hospitals and dentists' offices. His father was beside him, and the boy knew the man was restraining himself from the urge to pull his son into his lap, keep him safe from the world, and never let him go.

While Kurt appreciated his father's love and comfort, and was secretly very grateful of how protective the mechanic could be, he also knew that now was not the appropriate time to be coddled.

Looking back towards the two who had exited the office, Kurt felt anxious and hopeful.

The women were markedly different.

One looked only a few years older than Kurt, with short, dark hair and too much make-up. She wore blue jeans and a hideous sweater circa the 1980's in dirt brown, honey gold and a deep red. The outfit was completed with a pair of black Doc Martens and the mascara running down her cheeks from her tears.

In comparison, the second female wore a lovely, navy blue, Chanel halter-dress that fell just below her knees, and a matching pair of Jimmy Choos that caused her legs to seem incredibly long. The dress was paired with a three-quarter sleeve, knit, white cardigan overtop, and basic, lovely earrings - small, dark blue topaz on a golden backing. The earrings were complimented by the thin bracelet around one wrist made of the same components, and a well-loved set of three rings on her left hand, consisting on a golden wedding band, an engagement ring of the same metal and several tiny diamonds surrounding a deep green, round-cut emerald, and another basic band with diamonds all down the center of the ring.

The woman had aged gracefully, and Kurt would guess her to be somewhere in her mid-40's. Long, dark blonde hair pulled into a loose braid over one shoulder, a face whose minimal make-up drew focus to kind green eyes, and lightly tanned skin all added up to an individual who was aware of her years, and more concerned with owning that number than denying it.

One hand softly touched the other woman's arm, and when she spoke, it was with a quiet confidence. "I'll see you next week. And, Lisa, don't forget that you can call if you need to talk sooner."

The fashionless female nodded, and though the tears and muffled gasps continued, her back straightened and she squared her shoulder before stepping away from the touch and walking steadily towards the building's front doors.

Turning, the blonde smiled at the Hummel men in welcome. Manners kicked in, bringing both men to their feet, and Kurt politely extended the hand not currently in a cast and sling. "Hello, Doctor Cleary."

"Mandy, please," she responded, catching his fingers in a grip that was equal parts gentle and firm. "And you must be Kurt Hummel, is that correct?"

His answer was a tight smile and a nod. Withdrawing his hand, he gestured to his right. "This is my father, Burt Hummel."

Rubbing a hand over his bare head (Kurt had insisted that the baseball cap remain at home.), the man nodded. "Pleasure to meet you."

"And you," she returned. Her attention went back to Kurt, and she asked, "Would you like your father to join us, or would you prefer that you and I speak one-on-one?"

Kurt instinctively glanced over at Burt, who looked less concerned with whether he would come along, and more troubled by whether his stubborn son would refuse to share anything with the woman.

He wasn't sure what the doctor would ask, but Kurt was sure of one thing - he didn't want to worry his father any more than he already had. "Just you and me, please."

A quick nod, and she waved him towards the door. "This way."

As they walked in, Doctor Cleary mentioned, "I normally tape my sessions, then transcribe them later. The tapes are kept in a closet safe here in the office, to ensure that no one can tamper with them or listen to them. But I never record a session without the individual's permission. Is that alright, Kurt?"

He silently swallowed, then nodded, before doing his best to get comfortable in the padded chair she offered.

Sitting in her own chair, she reached over to the nearby desk and clicked on a tape recorder, before taking a pad of paper and pen in hand.

**… …**

**First Session with Kurt Hummel; Wednesday the 3rd at 4:30 p.m.**

**MC: **For the first session, I'd like to just ask you to tell me about yourself. Nothing intrusive, and you don't have to share anything you feel uncomfortable sharing. It's simply a chance for me to learn about you, so that I can better understand whatever you do choose to share. Likewise, if there's anything about me you'd like to know, go right ahead and ask.

**KH:** That (pause) seems reasonable. Where should I start?

**MC:** Well, what do you enjoy doing? Do you have friends or family that you like to spend time with? Do you have plans for your future, or a favorite class in school?

**KH:** I love to sing and dance and act. I was in the glee club at my old school, and joined the Dalton Warblers when I transferred. I live with my father, step-mother and step-brother, Finn, who's my age and was actually in my old glee club. I have a group of friends who I love like family, and my boyfriend, Blaine. He's (pause). He's wonderful. And in the future I plan to be a star on Broadway. As for my classes, they're all going well. I had to do some makeup work recently, but it's finished and turned in, and my current grade point average is 3.9. My favorite classes are AP French and European History.

**MC:** Let me ask, why did you decide to come in and talk to me?

**KH:** Doctor Lydia Lopez of Lima Memorial Hospital suggested you.

**MC:** And how do you know Dr. Lopez?

**KH: **I'm a friend of her daughter's. And Dr. Lopez was my mother's doctor.

**MC:** Your mother?

**KH:** Yes. She died when I was eight. She was in the hospital on and off throughout most of that year, so I became very familiar with the hospital staff, Dr. Lopez among them.

**MC:** I'm sorry for your loss.

**KH:** Thank you. It was more than half a lifetime ago. It doesn't hurt as much as it used to, but I still miss her. And Carol tries, but she's not my mother.

**MC:** And who is Carol?

**KH:** My step-mother. My dad just recently remarried. Carol is (pause). She's a wonderful woman, and I do love her and know that I could think of her as a mother. She makes my father so happy.

**MC:** But?

**KH:** But what?

**MC:** It sounded like you were listing good things, in an attempt to soften whatever you were about to say. That generally precludes a 'but'.

**KH:** Yes, well (pause). I just (pause) worry that Dad will forget Mom, that I'll forget her. And I know that Carol isn't trying to replace her. She lost her husband years ago, and we have pictures up of my parents on their wedding day, and Carol and her first husband on theirs, as well as pictures from Carol and my father's marriage. Neither of them would ever try to replace those they lost. It's just that they're so caught up in one another, and how happy they are right now. I could never be angry at them for finding that happiness.

**MC:** But you're afraid of what the cost for that happiness might be?

**KH:** I don't want to forget my mother. She was the most wonderful, kind woman I ever knew. I think she suspected, long before I ever knew, that I was gay. My father certainly knew.

**MC:** How?

**KH:** He told me he's known since I asked for a "sensible pair of heels" for my third birthday.

**MC:** Have you shared any of these fears with your father?

**KH:** No. That's (pause). He had a heart attack a few months ago, and with Carol, he's happier than I've seen him in years. I don't want to destroy that.

**MC:** Kurt, if he brought you in to see me, wouldn't it be more likely that what he's most worried about, right now, is you? Would you ever consider sharing more about your life and feelings with him?

**KH: **No, he has enough to worry about right now.

**MC:** Like what?

**KH: **(long pause) Me. I already gave him enough to worry about that I shouldn't add anything else. I only got out of the hospital in the past week.

**MC:** What were you in the hospital for?

**KH:** Being an idiot.

**MC:** As far as I know, that's not something an attending nurse or doctor can help with.

**KH:** (chuckles) I was feeling depressed and betrayed by my friends. So I went out and got excessively drunk. I don't remember much about that night, apparently I drunk dialed just about everyone I know, but I ended up in the river by the I-90. I almost died, broke my wrist and ended up in a coma for two weeks. Also, the last call before I went into the water was to Dad. He already spent the money he and Carol had saved for their honeymoon to transfer me to a private school in Westerville that has a zero-tolerance bullying policy, after I received death threats at my old school. He's dealt with enough. I don't want to add to that.

**MH:** So, allow me to clarify: You are worried your father's health will deteriorate again because of his worry for you. Is that right?

**KH:** Yes.

**MC:** And prior to the heart attack, did your father eat healthy, keep his cholesterol levels low, exercise daily?

**KH:** (pause) No.

**MC:** What did the doctors say was the greatest cause of his condition?

**KH:** Poor diet and minimal exercise. But (pause).

**MC:** And has he changed those things since he was released?

**KH:** Yes. Carol and I have made sure that there's nothing greasy, fatty or sugar-filled available in the house, and we monitor everything he decides to eat when he's at the garage or we go out to eat.

**MC:** So, between yourself and your stepmother, you've helped you father to change the circumstances that caused his heart attack? The issues brought up by the doctors are no longer a problem?

**KH:** I (pause). No, he (pause).

**MC:** According to the prognosis of the doctors, did stress have anything to do with the heart attack?

**KH:** Well, no.

**MC:** Then, may I ask why it sounds as though you blame yourself?

**KH:** (long pause) I (pause). I never (pause) thought about it that way.

**MC:** From all you've told me, your father has been dealing with sufficient stress lately that, if that were the cause of his condition, surely he would have been hospitalized again with the same problem. Yet, when I met him outside, he appeared fine, besides his worry for you. Do you not trust him?

**KH:** Of course I trust him! He's the best father in the world.

**MC: **Then why does it seem as though you are adamant about not trusting him? Is there another reason that you would wish not to talk with him about the stressors in your own life?

**KH:** I (pause). I need to think about this. How long was this session scheduled to go?

**MC: **An hour.

**KH:** I think, if it's alright, I'd like to end early today.

**MC:** Of course.

**… …**

Lying in his bed that night, and using tacky glue to add some basic glitter and sparkle to his woefully boring cast, Kurt thought over the discussion he had had with Doctor Cleary. As the Judy Garland song "Faraway Voice" began playing, he sighed and paused in his work.

She was right. He had distanced himself from his father. Despite Burt's wholehearted acceptance of his son's sexuality, there was still a small, bitter part of him that believed his father would one day realize just how very gay Kurt was and reveal powerful homophobic beliefs

He had denied his dad full involvement in his life because of that irrational fear, and that wasn't fair. Kurt had _no reason_ to think his father would ever act that way. And going through life, avoiding any kind of argument with Burt to decrease the chance that the man might strike out at him, expecting him to react like Finn had during the room debacle, was not only absurd, it was completely without precedent. He had used the heart attack as an excuse, and made it an additional reason not to share his weakness and fear with the man who he should trust more than any other. It had merely been the newest in a long line of excuses regarding sharing his anxiety and circumstances with Burt.

Kurt was judging his father on something which Burt had proven over and over would never happen. And in that moment, Kurt felt more idiotic than he ever had in his life.

**… …**

**_Realization: My father is not as fragile as I have treated him. I owe it to him to tell him the truth of how I feel._**

**_This does not, however, mean he gets to start eating pizza or Big Macs again._**

**_…_**

**_._**

**_…_**

_a/n Revised 12/19, reposted 12/21_


	2. Chapter One

**Chapter One - Second Therapy Session**

It was the week he was to be released from the hospital that Dr. Lopez finally brought up the idea with Kurt.

_"Hello, Kurt,"_

_"Hello, Aunt Lydia."_

_"What do you remember about that night?"_

_"I don't… Not much. I've listened to the voicemails, and I remember bits and pieces, but it seems like something that happened to someone else."_

_"Do you know if you jumped off that bridge? Was it deliberate?"_

_"I truthfully don't know."_

_"I've been talking with everyone, all your friends and family, and they all seem to be worried about you. Your step-mother had questions about medication for depression and anxiety. What do you think about that?"_

_"I suppose it makes sense. The move to Dalton was crazy. And then everything since then has been… overwhelming, I suppose."_

_"I have a few questionaires for you to fill out. It will tell me how you're coping with all the changes in your life. And then we'll go from there, for trying to make you feel as happy and hopeful as possible. Does that sound okay?"_

_"Yes. Yes, it does."_

_"Alright. Between now and then, if it's all right with you, I'd like to suggest the name of a counselor who I think you should talk to,"_

_"A psychiatrist, Aunt Lydie? I'm not crazy."_

_"Come on, now, Kurt. You know better than that. More than 70% of the general population sees a psychiatrist or psychologist semi-regularly. It's proven to help. All it would be is someone outside your life who can listen, unbiased, to whatever you want to say. They will do their best to help you find ways of making your life all you want it to be, and will offer to help however they are able."_

_"For how much an hour?"_

_"Kurt, _querido_, Burt won't have to pay. Your family is going to be receiving compensation from the school district for the way you were treated, and they are willing to help cover the costs for any and all therapy you should require."_

_"Fine."_

_"You still don't look happy. Look, I know you're gifted in what my daughter refers to as "google-fu", so why don't you use that? Study up on modern therapy, see what those currently talking with a psychiatrist or psychologist have to say about it, and then make an educated decision that's not based on previous bias."_

_"Why do you have to be so persuasive?"_

_"Why do you have to be so bull-headed?"_

_"Hummel family trait."_

_"Can't argue with that. Now, I think your boyfriend is waiting outside to drive you home. He's cute, by the way."_

_"Yes, Aunt Lydia, he is. He's also wonderful and kind and loving and occasionally oblivious, but once he realizes that, he does everything in his power to make it right. So no terrifying him, all right?"_

_"Of course not, Kurt. That's my daughter's job, not mine."_

_"Sometimes, I really hate you and Santana."_

_"I know. Now, give us a kiss, and you can go."_

_"Bye, Doctor Lopez."_

Now, as Kurt again sat in the waiting room outside of his therapist's office, he was unsure how he felt about the whole thing. While it was true that the intake session the previous week had brought to light something Kurt had never considered, it still felt awkward to consider spilling his secrets to a virtual stranger.

But he had promised Aunt Lydia, his father, Carol, and even Blaine, that he would talk to someone.

Now, with the court date for the trials of Karofsky, the McKinley staff in general, and even the school board approaching, he was wound up. If nothing else, the session was bound to be interesting.

**… …**

**Second Session with Kurt Hummel; Wednesday the 10th at 4:30 p.m.**

**MC:** How's your week been?

**KH:** Fine, I suppose. Karofsky (pause). Did I mention Karofsky last week?

**MC:** No, you didn't. Who are they?

**KH:** Karofsky is (pause), was the worst of my bullies at McKinley. He went after me like he had a personal vendetta against me.

**MC:** Did he ever give you a reason for those actions?

**KH:** Whatever I say here will be kept in confidence, correct?

**MC:** Yes. The rule is that, only under certain circumstances could I share anything you say. If you were to give me permission, or if there was someone else who I thought would be a better therapist for you, but then it would be general issues, without details. Or if you told me something regarding you, myself or someone else being put in danger, I would be required to inform the proper authorities.

**KH:** Okay. Well, the reason I ask is because (pause). Karofsky's gay. In the closet, angry about the whole thing, and apparently attracted to me, which was why the bullying was so bad. And, until it crossed certain lines, I could understand why he reacted the way he did. Because, in case you're never been gay in Ohio I wouldn't recommend it.

**MC:** Can you give me some examples of why that is?

**KH:** People have I known I was gay since long before I officially came out. I've been called names, mocked, had "fag" spray-painted on my locker and house, slouches thrown in my face, been tossed in dumpsters and told I belonged with the garbage, found notes in my locker and pinned to my bag saying that I should just kill myself already, along with details of how exactly I should do so. My Facebook account account has been hacked twice by homophobes, who trashed my wall and posted embarrassing and ugly comments and images on all of my friends' pages. I've been beaten up, slammed into doors, walls and lockers, was sexually harassed and stalked, then had my life threatened by Karofsky. That was all within the past year. And the authority figures who should have been protecting me pretended not to see it, or even rooted for my tormentors. All this, because I'm attracted to boys instead of girls.

**MC:** You said that the authority figures who should have protected you were ignoring the bullying and harassment instead? That they even sided with the bullies?

**KH:** More like egging them on. And it was mainly teachers. Mainly at McKinley. A great deal of them don't even try to hide the fact that they're homophobic.

**MC:** So, you wouldn't tell the adults. Did you tell anyone else about everything that was happening?

**KH:** No. I just (pause). I knew how they would react, and there was simply no point. Any of those adults could have done something, but they wouldn't. And my friends have become desensitized to our treatment over the years.

**MC:** Even when this boy, Karofsky's actions crossed the line into sexual harassment?

**KH:** Again, my friends couldn't have done anything. And if I told the teachers, who would they believe? I wasn't willing to force Karofsky out of the closet, and without that fact, it would have been brushed off as teenagers acting their age. Not to mention, the word of the "gay kid" against a favorite member of the school football team? If I were to even mention that he kissed me and was making sexual advances, sooner or later someone would claim I had probably asked for it.

**MC:** Is there anyone you told even the barest facts too?

**KH:** Blaine. Karofsky (pause). I found out he was gay when he kissed me. I called Blaine after that, and he drove out to Lima to help me confront Karofsky. He denied everything, even claimed I was the one who kissed him.

**MC:** And after that, what did you do?

**MC:** I simply did my best to avoid him. But then he started coming up to me, crowding me, touching me, following me around, saying things that (pause). It terrified me. Eventually, he told me he would kill me if I told anyone. Mr. Schuester noticed how I was acting and asked me about it. I didn't say anything about the harassment, but I told him, and Coach Sylvester, about the bullying and death threats. And Coach Sylvester (pause), she actually listened to me. She took me seriously and, as she acting principal at the time, she suspended Karofsky.

**MC:** Then how did the harassment continue? Was it outside of school?

**KH:** The school board overturned the suspension.

**MC:** Did they give a reason?

**KH:** Insufficient evidence. There was no way to prove that he actually threatened my life.

**MC:** And then?

**KH:** When my father and Carol found out, they (pause), they used all the money they'd saved up for their honeymoon to transfer me to Dalton.

**MC:** And did that stop Karofsky?

**KH:** Sort of. He showed up at Dalton several times that I'm aware of. The guards caught him and kept him off campus. I don't know how or when, but he took a picture of my dorm room window and texted it to me. And that wasn't all he sent me. He spammed my text messages and email, and tried to hack my Facebook. It was like being out of his reach made it worse, and he was even more angry and obsessive.

**MC:** Kurt, why didn't you tell anyone about any of this?

**KH:** I already told you: it wouldn't have made any difference. I was at Dalton by then, two hours away from him. He could scare me and text me, but he couldn't actually hurt me.

**MC:** Kurt, I'd like to set up a hypothetical situation for a moment. Do you have any female friends?

**KH:** Yes, all the girls from New Directions. I love them.

**MC:** And what would you do if you found out one of them was being sexually harassed and stalked by a classmate? What would you suggest they do?

**KH:** That's not the same.

**MC:** Why?

**KH:** Because (pause), because I'm not a girl.

**MC:** Alright. Say that one of your male friends was in the same circumstances. Would you suggest they keep it to themselves?

**KH:** They can protect themselves.

**MC:** Kurt, physically, how large or small is Karofsky compared to you? You said he was on the football team, didn't you?

**KH:** Yes. A line-backer, I think. He's (pause) fairly big. Husky. Muscular. Thick limbs and neck. And he dressed like a trucker.

**MC:** If he were to attack you, tried to force himself on you, would you have been able stop him?

**KH:** I (pause), I don't want to think about that.

**MC:** Alright. But, what if he were to try the same thing on one of your friends, male or female, who was also physically smaller than him? Do you think they would be in danger?

**KH:** Yes.

**MC:** If you knew Karofsky had been harassing one of those friends, who would be unable to stop him should he try to force his affections, what would you tell them to do?

**KH:** I'm telling, it's not the same!

**MC:** Why, Kurt?

**KH:** Because I'm gay! (long pause) I mean (long pause). I supposed, if it was anyone else, I would have told them to tell an adult that they trusted. Or talk to the police. And if they wouldn't do something, I would. Because (pause), because I wouldn't want them hurt.

**MC:** And yet, you hold yourself to different standards? You said it was because you were gay?

**KH:** I've never (pause). I suppose I've always expected to be treated badly because of it. But (pause). I think, maybe even now, I'm still trying to blame myself for my sexuality. Do you think people choose to be gay?

**MC:** I believe that there are those who do think that. But, according to statistics, most often those who are gay were either sexual abused, or were simply aware of their orientation since birth, with no real opportunity to choose. It's simply a part of themselves they were born with, like a double joint or a inclination towards diabetes.

**KH:** You sound like you have personal experience.

**MC:** I'm bisexual, Kurt.

**KH:** You are?

**MC:** Yes. It's one of the reasons I was interested in psychology. Nature versus nurture, in particular, was always intriguing to me.

**KH:** I (pause). Can you tell me a little bit about it for you?

**MC:** I'll answer any questions that you have. But, please Kurt, remember that these sessions are not about me. You are the focus.

**KH:** Right. Did you ever consider sexuality a choice?

**MC:** I was raised by a mother who didn't believe in homosexuality. She always told me that it was sick and wrong, and that people chose to act that way because they wanted attention. She was an atheist, so all of this was based around the skewed science of her time. Because of that, I felt guilty each time I found myself thinking of another woman as attractive. I treated it as though I had a choice, and then would put myself in a position to be punished for other things, to try to make up for my perceived mistake of homosexual tendency. Does any of that sound familiar to you?

**KH:** More than I want to admit. I never realized before, but (pause). Everything with Karofsky, I kept telling myself not to share it because people would blame me. And I think (pause). I think that might be because I was already blaming myself, considering myself guilty for something I had no control over. (long pause)

**MC:** What are your plans for the rest of the week?

**KH:** The case with Karofsky is going to court this coming Monday. And Mr. and Mr. Berry, and Mr. Lopez, the lawyers who took the case, they already have all of the evidence they need. My phone records and the testimonies of the Dalton guards, not to mention all the videos shot by Jacob Ben-Israel that show day-to-day life at McKinley. They don't necessarily need me to testify, so I told them I wouldn't. But now I think (pause). I think I need to tell the court what happened, in my owns words. I think it might help. Thank you.

**MC:** Don't thank me, thank yourself. You're the one who is putting it all together, I'm merely facilitating.

**KH:** (laughs) And for this you get paid how much an hour?

**MC:** (laughs) Looks like our time's up for the week.

**… …**

Kurt looked into the family room, where his father sat watching _Deadliest Catch._

Giving himself a little shake, he walked quietly over to sit down beside the mechanic. "Dad?"

"Hm?" Immediately, Burt muted the tv and turned to face his son straight on. "What is it, kiddo?"

The teen was unable to stop himself fidgeting, then forced himself to exhibit confidence. "I want to testify at Karofsky's trial."

There was a moment of silence, then Burt's face when bright red, his eyes narrowing and started yelling. Not at Kurt, he had never yelled at his son in his life. Instead he ranted about the necessity to even take the other boy to court, and how Karofsky could be so horrible to someone who'd never hurt anyone.

It wasn't until he started in on Mr. and Mr. Berry, along with Gareth Lopez, that Kurt spoke again. "No, Dad, they're not asking me to. I _want_ to. I think it… it might be good for me. I can finally speak out about how I felt and what Karofsky's done without expecting people to blow me off or make excuses for him."

Slowly calming, Burt frowned, then pulled his son into his arms. "I just… I don't want you to have to even look at that boy again."

That got a little laugh. "I love you, Daddy."

"Love you too, Kurt."

**_… …_**

**_Realization: If Karofsky had been bullying anyone else, or harassing them the way he had me, I would have insisted the proper authorities be told. I have been holding myself accountable for what Karofsky did, when I am not in any way. I did not choice my sexual orientation any more than Karofsky, the difference is in how we reacted. And I do not deserve to be punished or persecuted or disbelieved because of that orientation._**

**_… …_**

**_…_**

**_… …_**

_a/n I hope this session sounds a bit more like a real one. And this chapter feels a little scattered to me, but oh well._

_Also, I am trying to get this finished by Christmas or New Years, so wish me luck!_


	3. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two – Third Session**

This time, sitting outside, Kurt was trying to think what he could talk about with Mandy.

His week had been fairly boring and normal. The most exciting thing on his calendar was the upcoming appointment he had with Aunt Lydia to have the cast on his arm removed. That was something he was as excited about as the newest Lady GaGa music video.

He knew the cast had been needed, but it was cumbersome and –even with all the work he had put into keeping it clean- distressingly disgusting, by now.

Not to mention the idea of being able to shower and not have one arm useless and wrapped in plastic sounded like nirvana to Kurt, whose hair had suffered in the time since the wretched thing had been put on him.

Finally, rolling his eyes at himself, he decided that Mandy would just have to come up with a topic of discussion for the day.

Snagging the newest issue of Vogue out of his bag, he sat back and allowed himself to be immersed in the waiting world of fashion.

**… …**

**Third Session with Kurt Hummel; Wednesday the 17****th**** at 4:30 p.m.**

**MC:** What would you like to talk about today?

**KH:** I don't know. Is there anything that you'd like to ask about?

**MC:** There is something I was wondering.

**KH:** Yes?

**MC:** Blaine. You said, in our first session, that he was your boyfriend. And you mentioned in the next session that he was the only one who you spoke with about what Karofsky did. Can you tell me a little more about Blaine?

**KH:** Blaine is (pause). He's the lead singer of the Warblers, and the most dapper human being I've ever known. I wasn't even aware people still knew how to be dapper. For the love of Armani, he carries a pocket watch. Who does that?

**MC:** Why did you decide to tell him about Karofsky, and not anyone else?

**KH:** We weren't dating then. That's actually a fairly recent development. At the time (pause). Well, I'd met him a few days before Karofsky kissed me, and he was the one who suggested I stand up to Karofsky. He was the only person who was proudly out of the closet that I'd ever met. He was (pause) I suppose, in a lot of ways, he was everything I wanted to be. He seemed so confident and happy, fearless.

**MC:** What did he do when you told him about Karofsky?

**KH:** He drove to Lima during McKinley's lunch and said we should confront him, together. He was nice and calm while talking to Karofsky, and then Karofsky started physically pushing him around, and I jumped in and shoved Karofsky away and yelled at him to stop. Then he ran off. Blaine, in the end, listened to me and took me out to lunch.

**MC:** When did you start dating?

**KH:** We didn't officially start dating until after (pause), after I woke up from my coma. GaGa, that sounds so "Days of Our Lives". (laughs)

**MC:** (laughs) A little, yes. Have you been in any relationships prior to this one?

**KH:** No. I believed I was in love with the boy who is now my step-brother for a while, but that never went anywhere.

**MC:** Why?

**KH:** Well, for a start, Finn's as straight as they come. And besides, I realize now it never would have worked. I wasn't actually seeing Finn, I was seeing an idealized version of him which I created.

**MC:** Have you ever had to fight the temptation to do that with Blaine?

**KH:** How could I idealize Blaine? He's already perfect! (pause) Oh.

**MC:** Kurt?

**KH:** Oh, Gaga. I (pause). When I first met Blaine, I did to him exactly what I had with Finn. I saw him as this perfect person, whose few flaws were easy to ignore because they were secondary compared to his good traits. And then every time he proved he wasn't that perfect person I made him out to be, I would resent him, and then try to find a way to blame myself for his shortcomings. No wonder everything at Vaelntine's, and then again at Rachel's party hurt so much. I'd convinced myself that the only reason he would hurt me was if I did something wrong, not him.

**MC:** Kurt, please don't take this the wrong way, but if you're still doing that now that you're in a relationship, that could turn it toxic.

**KH:** No, I (pause). Even before Rachel's party and everything that happened the night I ended up in the river, I was subconsciously trying to change the way I saw Blaine. And I was getting better. And when I first woke up in the hospital, he was this adorably chaotic mess, and I saw him for himself, not that version of him in my head. But since then, I think (pause), I mean, it's taken a while, but I think I've been falling back into that pattern.

**MC:** Can you be objective when you see him next, and watch how you react to him? Pay attention to how you habitually think of him?

**KH:** I think that would be a good idea. I love him, and I want this relationship to work. But to do that (pause). I can't let myself do this again. It's not fair to Blaine, and it's certainly not fair to me.

**MC:** Agreed.

**… …**

"Kurt?" Blaine's voice was hesitant, late the next day, as the shorter teen flopped down on the couch beside his boyfriend.

Putting down his math book, Kurt looked over at the other, raising an eyebrow.

"It kind of seems like…" he trailed off, then took the other's slender, pale hand in his own. "Have you been treating me differently, Kurt?"

With a cool confidence, Kurt nodded and declared, "I finally figured out you're not perfect."

The look on Blaine's face was pure confusion, so the brunet continued.

"You're not the wise Mr. Miyagi to my Karate Kid, or the all-knowing Yoda to my whiney Luke. You're not the Antoine de Paris to my Louis Alexandre Raimon."

"I don't even know who that is," Blaine whispered, hazel eyes wide in slight alarm.

Kurt just laughed and gave the boy's hand a little squeeze. "I'm not finished, Blaine. You're not the master to my apprentice. You're the Flynn Rider to my Rapunzel, or the Rory to my Amy. You're not perfect, because you're even better than that; you're _real_. And my boyfriend."

Blinking a few times, still a bit unsure, Blaine slowly nodded, then grinned widely. "That's right, I _am_ your boyfriend. Which means it is perfectly within my rights to do this." He pounced, wrapping his other arm around the cast-bound one at the brunet's side, and began dropping butterfly soft kisses all over the younger boy's cheeks and forehead, and finally his lips.

Kurt blushed, PDA wasn't really his thing, but couldn't help responding, as Blaine's mouth gently coaxed him into long, sweet kiss.

Then hoots and applause erupted from around the room, and both teens pulled back, wearing the same red cheeks and pleased smiles.

Snuggling in next to Kurt, Blaine leaned up and breathed in his ear, "You're right. I'm not perfect. And as long as I have you, I'm okay with that. Because_ you're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be_." The near-silent song line made Kurt scoff, but he held on to the hand Blaine left in his even tighter.

**… …**

**_Realization: Blaine is not a gay Yoda to my Luke Skywalker. First, because that would be awkward and uncomfortable. (And I would never be able to watch those movies again without blushing and flinching throughout all the training on Dagoba.) Second, because he is basing his advice on his own experiences, which he is basing his advice on his own experiences, which he has admitted did not end well. Third, because I love him, but if I want that love to be real, it can't be based on an idealized, cardboard cut-out of Blaine. (After all, look how well it went when I thought of Finn that way.)_**

… …

...

… …

_a/n It is my personal belief that, if Kurt wasn't a closet nerd before transferring to Dalton, those private school boys would make sure he was by now. Thus the references to Karate Kid (Jeff), Star Wars (all the Warblers), Tangled (Blaine) and Doctor Who (Nick, Thad and Jeff, at least). (Those last three are also planning to introduce him to Torchwood, but aren't sure what to do about CoE, 'cause they're pretty sure Kurt would freak, bawl, and then start a campaign to get the writers to bring back Ianto. One that would actually succeed. *giggle*)_


	4. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three – Fourth Therapy Session**

Kurt was glad he could come in today. Even if these sessions with Mandy made him question himself somewhat severely, they still always brought a sense of relief and calm, even a feeling of peace.

And that was something he could definitely use today.

He had spent the past few days prepping for the upcoming solo auditions for the next Warbler performance. As usual, it was going to occur with all the pomp and circumstance, and following all the rules that the Warblers seemed to live by. Kurt was excited to sing, but he was not excited to be told off, yet again, for his inability to "blend".

He had a one-in-a-million voice, and was reasonably proud of that fact. That the Warblers insisted that it was not worth using, simply because it did not fit what they expected, seemed asinine to him.

It was true, the were being a little more open, actually considering making changes, following the letter they had written to him while he was in a coma. But, like changes in any long-standing government (because that really was how they treated it), it was taking time.

Kurt wanted the solo, and at the same time he never even truly considered the possibility that he would get it. It "wasn't how they worked", according to Wes.

There really were days that Kurt wanted nothing so much as to take Wes' gavel and break it in half, or put it through a woodchipper.

**… …**

****Fourth Session with Kurt Hummel; Wednesday the 24****th**** at 4:30 p.m.****

**MC:** I wanted to start today by asking you about school. You said that your father and Carol used the money they had saved to transfer you to Dalton, correct?

**KH:** Yes.

**MC:** Did that make a difference?

**KH:** Transferring? As I've said before, it moved me out of the reach of Karofsky, and that was the biggest concern.

**MC:** Do you feel safer there?

**KH:** Yes, I do. And, really, in regards to how I was treated at McKinley, Dalton is paradise.

**MC:** And here comes the "but".

**KH:** (laughs) Yes, I guess so. Because, as wonderful as it is, with the no tolerance bullying policy and the kindness of the other students and how challenging the classes are, it still feels like a gilded cage. I'm safe there, and no one can bother or bully me simply because I'm gay. Yet, despite that, I feel like I'm being pushed harder than ever to conform, and deny my own personality.

**MC:** Who makes you feel that way?

**KH:** The Warblers.

**MC:** They're the group Blaine sings lead for, aren't they?

**KH:** Exactly. They're Dalton's show choir. The school treats them like rock stars, and they were kind enough to allow me to join after transferring.

**MC:** But they make you feel that you have to conform to be accepted?

**KH:** So much. When I first arrived, they were excited and kind. But they also treated me like I was some kind of crazy, wild animal who had showed up off the street to cause chaos in their perfect halls.

**MC:** Do you think they did that on purpose?

**KH:** I don't really know. (pause) They basically all grew up in rich, privileged families. From what I've observed , most of them have known each other since childhood, and they all follow the same social rules and have the same general standards and expectations for their lives. I don't think they intentionally set out to make me feel like I wasn't good enough.

**MC:** Do you have any idea why they would act that way?

**KH:** I think (pause), I think, at this point, it's mostly just habit. They expect people to interact a certain way, and then I came swanning in, flamboyant and loud and desperate for attention, eager to share my ideas, and that didn't fit the world they knew.

**MC:** So they closed ranks-?

**KH:** Because they felt the need to defend themselves from someone with whom they simply had no idea how to react. They shot down my suggestions, not because they thought they had no merit, but because it was like introducing cavemen to the idea of airplanes or space shuttles.

**MC:** (laughs) That's telling.

**KH:** What is?

**MC:** Well, can I ask why you compared the Warblers, who you say have a better quality of living, to cavemen, while you yourself you compared to a rocket scientist?

**KH:** (laughs) I did, didn't I? (pause) I suppose it's because it seems silly to me how uncomfortable they are with the idea of change. They follow specific traditions, and if you even so much as suggest a change, they look at you like they're considering having you hanged. It's like they're standing, stuck in a cave, fearing thunder and lightning, and I'm offering them a lighter they refuse to take.

**MC:** Does that change how you perceive their treatment of you?

**KH:** I guess it does. They're not treating me this way because they dislike me or my ideas, they just have no idea what to do with what I'm offering, or how to use my talents in a group which functions entirely on previously set traditions.

**… …**

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:17 p.m.-**

**Text from Kurt Hummel to Thad Harwood**

Are you still planning on having that movie night tonight?

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:22 p.m.-**

**Text from Thad Martin to Kurt Hummel**

we sure r. :) u coming? warbler common room- 8 pm.

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:25 p.m.-**

**Text from Kurt Hummel to Thad Harwood**

I'll be there, if you promise to suggest using live music at the next Warbler meeting.

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:28 p.m.-**

**Text from Thad Martin to Kurt Hummel**

awesome! :D deal. bring along ur dapperman!

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:31 p.m.-**

**Text from Blaine Anderson to Thad Harwood**

according to Kurt you just called me "Dapperman".

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:32 p.m.-**

**Text from Thad Martin to Kurt Hummel**

traitor!

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:34 p.m.-**

**Text from Thad Martin to Blaine Anderson**

that is not a lie. ;) as we said in our letter to kurt, ur the dalton superhero dapperman w/his faithful bowtie-wearing sidekick gayly! only we recently decided that gayly has been promoted frm sidekick to partner. we r sure u won't mind.

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:40 p.m.-**

**Text from Kurt Hummel to Thad Harwood**

Oh, yes, we will definitely be there tonight, Thad. If only to give you a swift kick.

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:42 p.m.-**

**Text from Thad Martin to Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson**

i look forward to it boys. ;D

**… …**

**_Realization: The Warblers are not unwilling to change, they are scared of change because they have grown up in a world where everything is set out for them under certain rules. Change is not just unusual, it is unthinkable. They're reactions to my suggestions were never an attack against me personally, but merely a reaction to the possibility of change. Under these circumstances, any progress made with them becomes even more amazing._**


	5. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four – Fifth Therapy Session**

Kurt had a sleepover planned with the girls tonight, and while (technically) that wasn't such a good idea, what with it being the middle of the week, according to all of them, they need a drama-free zone of makeup tips and junk food.

And who better to provide it than Kurt?

He was still having trouble spending any time alone with Rachel, but was slowly overcoming that. And he and Mercedes were finally working to patch the bridges they had almost burned earlier in the year, first with all the talk of religion after his dad's heart attack, and then with everything regarding the Tot War and Karofsky and transferring. It had not been a good year for their friendship.

Of course, Tina and Brittany were both invited. Even though Rachel and Mercedes were his favorite divas, and he considered them his best friends, he knew the blonde and the quiet asian were muter better friends for him than the two dramatic stars. And he didn't care what was going on in New Directions, they would be there, or he wouldn't.

Quinn had openly, and regularly, taken to apologizing for her actions. She still wanted his help on campaigning for prom queen, but it was no longer her main focus in life. Kurt had been there for her while she was pregnant, and she was ashamed of what kind of friend she was if she couldn't do the same for him in his trials.

Even Zizes had scored an invite. He didn't know her as well, just that she had replaced him in ND. And that she was on the boys' wrestling team. And was obsessed with Robert Pattinson. And that she should never wear anything in bright yellow. Huh, he supposed he _did_ know a bit. Either way, she was brusk and abrasive and sometimes more like a guy than a girl, but she was a gleek, and female, thus she was invited.

Once he checked the list, Kurt had realized that he had no choice but to ask Santana along as well, or he would die painfully. And where once he would have dry heaved at the thought of having the Bitch Queen over for a night of movies, music and manicures, he had been spending more time with her.

It had come as a shock to everyone when they discovered she was helping her father, Gareth Lopez, and Mr. and Mr. Berry put together the case against Karofsky. It turned out the girl wanted to be a lawyer (which made so much sense it was absurd). And as part of that prep, she was spending more and more time with Kurt. And he had discovered that, underneath the sharp-tongued, cold-hearted bitch there was, well, still a bitch, just a more vulnerable one who was in love with her best friend and denying the attraction with all her might. (Not enough to stop her and Brittany from "getting their sweet lady kisses on", but still…)

When it finally came time to invite people, Kurt hadn't even flinched at giving Santana the necessary information.

So, as soon as today's session was over, he had to run back home and start getting everything ready. He had already whipped up enough food (all of which was secretly extra-healthy) and snacks, now he just had to make an oatmeal and avocado mix for facial masks, pull out all his _Vogue_ and _Glamour_ magazines for the past year, and get together everything needed for manicures and pedicures.

It was with these thoughts that he stepped into his session.

… …

**Fifth Session with Kurt Hummel; Wednesday the 31st at 4:30 p.m.**

**MC:** Can I ask you what you remember from the night you ended up in a coma?

**KH:** Did I try to commit suicide, you mean? Everyone seems to have an opinion about that.

**MC:** No opinion, no judgement. I'd just like to hear whatever you'd like to share about that night.

**KH:** The truth is, that entire night is a blur. I remember little bits and pieces of what was going on around me, but not enough for a clear picture. Considering how drunk I was, it was more than a little surprising when I turned out not to have alcohol poisoning.

**MC:** What do you remember?

**KH:** I'm pretty sure it rained a little that night. And Patches, the homeless man who lives by the library, he was the one who bought me a bottle of vodka, which tasted disgusting. I think I was almost hit by a car when I called one of the Warblers. I (pause) I think it was Thad? Or maybe (pause). You know, I'm really not sure.

**MC:** What stands out the most about that night.

**KH:** How I felt. I wasn't thinking, I was just feeling everything. And the alcohol didn't dim those emotions the way I had hoped, it brought them to the forefront. (laugh) I promise you, I am never getting drunk again. It does absolutely nothing for me.

**MC:** What type of emotions were you feeling?

**KH:** Fury, betrayal, fear, hopelessness, despair.

**MC:** Were any of those related to a specific individual or moment, or just in general?

**KH:** Oh, a few of them were definitely aimed at individuals. Rachel, for one.

**MC:** Rachel?

**KH:** Berry. Rachel Berry is a spoiled, self-centered, overdramatic, highly gifted diva. And normally I consider her a friend. But sometimes that narcissism of hers overwhelms the inherent kind innocence, and you want to strangle her.

**MC:** What did she do?

**KH:** There was a party, and everyone else ended up drunk. We were playing Spin the Bottle and Rachel and Blaine ended up making out. This sent Blaine spiraling into a gay-or-bi crisis. Rachel knew how I felt about Blaine, and she was aware that. Not to mention, she has spent the past two years beating me in basically everything I want, be it a boy's attention or a solo in Glee. Yet, despite all of this, she (pause) she went right ahead and called Blaine, asking him out.

**MC:** So Rachel was aware of your feelings? Was Blaine?

**KH:** Yes. I'd made it quite clear on Valentine's that I wanted to try out a relationship with him.

**MC:** And what was his response?

**KH:** That he wanted that too, but he was scared to mess up our friendship. He claimed he was no good at romance. Truthfully, once he sets his mind to it, I've never seen anyone better.

**MC:** And Rachel, knowing all of this, asked him out?

**KH:** And he said yes.

**MC:** How did you react?

**KH:** I confronted them both. Rachel blew me off, and Blaine fought back. I lied and told him I didn't believe in bisexuality. Then he compared me to Karofsky, saying that I was being just as judgmental as him.

**MC:** Was Blaine aware of how bad things were with Karofksy?

**KH:** No. He knew about the kiss, but I hadn't told him about the escalation in Karofsky's behavior since I transferred.

**MC:** What happened next?

**KH:** Blaine told the Warblers what I had said, and he was right, it was hypocritical of me to say that about bisexuality. Especially considering that Brittany, who is one of my dearest friends, is blatantly bisexual.

**MC:** How did the Warblers react?

**KH:** Not well. You can't persecute or bully anyone at Dalton, that's explicitly against the rules. but they could, and did, shut me out. They stopped talking to me beyond what was required in class. I was ostracized in practices, and the invitations to do things stopped all together.

**MC:** Do you think Blain put them up to that?

**KH:** No. He was avoiding me because of the fight, and I only found out later that he was completely unaware of what was happening.

**MC:** Are the Warblers still treating you that way?

**KH:** Not at all. They've apologized and promised to be more objective in future cases of fights between members. And they recognized that passive-aggressive bullying is still bullying.

**MC:** Were there other factors that contributed to your actions that night?

**KH:** I supposed (pause, laughs). I suppose that saying I wanted to drown the pain, even if I'm referring to the alcohol, would be a bit of a Freudian slip?

**MC:** It could be. Do you remember how you ended up at the river?

**KH:** No. That part of the night is a blank. I don't remember reaching the river, or what my thought process might have been. I don't remember calling my father. I don't remember going into the water. I don't even have any memories of the pain I must have felt when my wrist snapped and I hit the river.

**MC:** Do you think you were trying to kill yourself?

**KH:** I don't (pause). I don't know. I was depressed, yes, but I've never seriously contemplated suicide. I'm determined to not be another gay-teen-suicide statistic. I will not let my bullies tear me down enough to cause me to forget my goal of getting out of Lima, out of Ohio, and showing the world how fabulous I truly am. But (pause) I was drunk. Drunk enough that I made a series of calls that, upon listening, sounded like goodbyes, blacked out, and ended up unconscious, my heart stopped, in a river. Sober, suicide would never be a consideration. Drunk? (pause) I don't know.

**MC:** Then I guess I should ask why you chose to drink, and are you likely to do so again?

**KH:** I (pause). I don't like being drunk. My actions tend to be ridiculous, I'm nauseous and depressed the entire time. It never makes the emotions less powerful. Then there's the way it tends to end in vomit, hangovers and injuries.

**MC:** In that case, why did you decide to get drunk that night, despite these detriments?

**KH:** From what I recall, I was desperate to forget. To not feel overwhelmed by the heart ache and fury.

**MC:** But you said that that's not helped by alcohol.

**KH:** That's (pause) true.

**MC:** Then why? It's in no way helpful or enjoyable to you. Why would try again, despite that?

**KH:** It's (pause), it's (pause) nice. (pause) Nice to feel like, whatever occurs, it wasn't my fault.

**MC:** So you enjoy the lack of control?

**KH:** I don't (pause). No, I hate losing control. But it's wonderful, really, to (pause), to not feel responsible. To not feel guilt or blame regarding my own actions and emotions.

**MC:** Is there a better way to feel that than drinking?

**KH:** It's not as though I'm addicted.

**MC:** But what will happen the next time you feel the way you did that night?

**KH:** I (long pause).

**MC:** Could you find other ways? If you believe there's a possibility you would commit suicide while drunk, or walk into traffic, or put yourself in danger (pause), is that really the best way?

**KH:** I (pause) suppose.

**MC:** How often have you actually been drunk?

**KH:** Maybe four times since I transferred. Once, before that.

**MC:** Why has that number increased lately? Did you have a different release valve prior to the transfer?

**KH:** Before (pause). Before Dalton, I could sing. When things were stressful, I could spend hours in the choir room or the auditorium, even at home, singing until my throat was dry and my voice cracked. When I would sing, really sing (pause) I knew I had done well if I felt lightheaded, and my chest would loosen, and the endless stream of thoughts and concerns would finally (pause) stop.

**MC:** But Dalton?

**KH:** At Dalton, I share a room, and the Warblers except their members to focus on group songs when we meet. To use the auditorium, I need permission from a teacher, and to work around the schedules of the theatre and music groups who regularly reserve the space. It's (pause), well, it's weird. At McKinley, things that were different or out of the ordinary were mocked and ridiculed, but they still happened. At Dalton, if I were to randomly break into song (pause). They wouldn't punish me or anything. But they also wouldn't be impressed. They would be appalled.

**MC:** The unwritten Dalton rules and code of conduct again?

**KH:** Exactly.

**MC:** Do you think there's anyone there you would trust enough to explain this all to? A teacher, maybe, or a member of the staff?

**KH:** I (pause). Can I think about that?

**MC:** Of course. And if you don't feel comfortable, maybe you could try to find a spot on the campus to just sing.

**KH:** Maybe I can at least look, right? (laughs)

**MC:** (laughs) Right.

… …

The sleepover had reached the calm point, where everyone was draped on pillows and chairs around the room, getting their nails done or quietly talking or even (Brittany) snuggling up against someone else (Santana) and falling asleep.

In the end, it was Tina who rolled over onto her stomach and stared straight at Kurt for a minute. Then she announced, "I don't remember the last time I got to hear you sing."

This led to surprised blinking, and then agreement from the rest of the girls. Rachel finally turned to the countertenor and, in a voice that would brook no argument, declared, "I can't perfect my own abilities unless I am aware of my competition, and I suppose you will always be one of the greatest competitors for solos should you ever decide to return to McKinley. Thus, we will _have_ to hear you sing."

The little tirade left all the girls giggling, except Zizes, who was staring at Rachel in annoyed disbelief and grabbing another slice of the strawberry cream cake.

Kurt began to protest, and Quinn rolled her eyes and clapped her hand over his open mouth. "No, we miss your voice. We never get to hear you sing anymore." Then she was pouting, and all of the females (with the exception of Santana, who was smirking) sent him the puppy dog eyes and matching sad expressions that had proven most effective against the boy's strong will.

With a sigh, he nodded, and stood, moving over to his ipod to look for an appropriate song.

Finally coming to the one he wanted, he let the somber, echoed beat begin to play, as he stood quietly, hands clasped in front of him, and waited for the moment he would begin.

"_I hope all my days will be lit by your face. I hope all the years will hold tight our promises._"

The listeners were struck by the odd song choice. It definitely wasn't Broadway, but it exhibited his feelings just as openly and powerfully.

"_I don't wanna be old and sleep alone - an empty house is not a home. I don't wanna be old and feel afraid._

"_I don't wanna be old and sleep alone - an empty house is not a home. I don't wanna be old and feel afraid._"

Up until then, he had been singing in what was firmly an alto range. Now, his lovely voice soared effortlessly up, catching the words in a bittersweet grasp, letting the sound softly fill the room.

"_And if I need anything at all-_

_"Ooo, aah, ooo, aah, ooo, aah, ooo_

"_I need a place that's hidden in the deep, where lonely angels sing you to your sleep - though all the world is broken._

"_I need a place where I can make my bed. A lover's lap where I can lay my head. 'Cause now the room the spinning - the day's beginning._"

It wasn't a normal Kurt song, but it felt as honest, and in some ways more real than almost anything they'd ever heard him perform.

And as he finished the song, the look on the countertenor's face was one of understanding and peace.

… …

_**Realization: I need to be able to lose control of my emotions. The two proven methods to do this are drinking and singing. And the alcohol brings the possibility of addiction, embarrassment, and -depending on my state-of-mind beforehand- suicide. Thus singing must happen, and I need to find a way to allow myself that freedom.**_

… …

…

… …

_a/n I know I said I was trying to get this all up by Christmas or the New Year, but… then I got t-boned on Christmas Eve. And while both me and Kate (who was in the passenger seat) were okay, I'm down one vehicle to get to work, and have to figure out how to cover the cost of a new car, since the insurance of the fellow who hit me is only paying out so much. *frown*_

_Anyway, here's this chapter. (Which went _completely_ off the rails from what I had originally planned for this part. But what can you do, right?)_

_Oh! Also, the song he sings in this chapter is "Atlantic" by Keane._


	6. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five – Sixth Therapy Session**

It had been on his mind since last week's sleepover. And the more time he spent around Santana and her father, the more he thought about it.

Then Brittany had announced to Santana, with Kurt and Tina in attendance on one of their evenings at the mall, that if Santana didn't admit they were together, she wouldn't share "sweet lady kisses" with the other Cheerio anymore.

Santana had gone as pale as Kurt had ever seen her, eyes enormous as she stared in disbelief at her usually-compliant bff, before grabbing her purse and bags and bolting. Brittany followed this by bursting into tears. Shocked, unsure what to do, he and Tina had stayed and done their best to cheer up the blonde. (It had taken a plush miniature unicorn and two servings of Brittany's favorite frozen yogurt before she was smiling and giggling again.)

They had dropped her off at home, than gone back to Tina's to talk.

_"That was… completely unexpected."_

_"Wait. If they've been sleeping together this whole time, that means Brittany is cheating on Artie."_

_"She's explained something like this to me before. Apparently it only counts if the person you're cheating with is the same gender as the person you're dating."_

_"Really?"_

_"Mm-hm."_

_"Kurt, what are we supposed to do here?"_

_"Anything we choose to do will no doubt simply make things worse. This is something those two have to work out on their own."_

_"I hate that."_

_"So do I. But if past experiences have taught us anything, it's that our meddling tends to have horrifying consequences."_

_"Yeah. That's certainly true."_

The following day, Tina had told Kurt that she had simply moved to sit near Santana during Glee, and the girl had bolted out the door, shrieking in Spanish (which was apparently quite inappropriate, as Mr. Schue had been bright red listening to her tirade), and hadn't come back.

When Kurt tried to call, Santana had refused to pick up. And then came another meeting between Kurt, his father, and their attorneys (all three of them), along with Mr. Lopez' daughter. She avoided him the entire time, and didn't speak up once during their discussion.

**... …**

**Sixth Session with Kurt Hummel; Wednesday the 7th at 4:30 p.m.**

**MC:** How would you like to start today?

**KH:** I've been thinking a lot about Santana.

**MC: **Santana? The band?

**KH:** (laugh) No. She's the daughter of Lydia and Gareth Lopez. She's a Cheerio and a stone-cold bitch and one of my friends. She's also closeted.

**MC:** Oh?

**KH:** She and Brittany have been best friends almost their entire lives. They're in love. But while Britt is all for making it public, in fact she's been demanding that or their relationship is over, Santana is terrified.

**MC:** Any reason in particular, or just in general?

**KH:** I don't know. It doesn't make any sense, really. Most of the school already knows, and they've never said a thing. She's knows her parents don't have a problem with it. Her father is one of the ones representing me in court. Her mother was my doctor and has never had an issue with my sexual orientation. Everyone in the glee club already knows and no one cares. And even though some of the jocks might try to mess with her, if she came out publically, she's the type who could murder them and hide their bodies faster than you can think. (pause) I think it may have more to do with society, than personal fear.

**MC:** How so?

**KH:** Admitting you're gay is (pause), you basically set yourself up to expect to be treated badly the remainder of your life. Sex is something private, something no one but you and your chosen partner are involved in, but people still define you by something they have no part in. Coming out of the closet is accepting that you will forever be defined by an act that should be no one else's business. I think her cultural upbringing probably doesn't help, either.

**MC:** Her culture?

**KH:** Her parents are both Latino. It's not exactly the most welcoming culture for homosexuals. By and large, Latin American culture is very Catholic, and that church is not the biggest fan of gays. (laugh)

**MC:** (laugh) True.

**KH:** What's sad is that, if I had been able to pass myself off as straight, I don't know that I wouldn't have done exactly what Santana is, and just kept pretending.

**MC:** Do you think she'll continue to act that way for her entire life?

**KH:** I really don't know. (pause) I would guess that her thoughts were a bit like mine, when I was still denying my sexuality. I kept telling myself that, one day, I would move away from Lima, out of Ohio. One day I'd live somewhere more accepting, and then I'd find someone to live my life with. She's already looking at colleges in New York, California, and parts of Europe, you know.

**MC:** What do you think would help her?

**KH:** Support. A friend. Brittany is great, and I love her with all my heart, but pushing Santana to come out of the closet might not be for the best. I think she needs someone who won't try to convince her to admit anything, but will just be there to talk to, for as long as Santana needs.

**MC:** Are you planning to do that?

**KH:** I (pause), I feel like I need to help her. No one was there to help me, and it hurt. Maybe if someone is there for her, it will make things easier.

**MC:** How will you approach her about it?

**KH:** The only way I can without her taking off my head: I'll take her shopping first. (laugh)

**MC:** (laugh) Good plan.

**… …**

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:02 p.m.-**

**Text from Kurt Hummel to Santana Lopez**

There's a sale on at one of my favorite stores, and I could use a partner who isn't afraid to bitch-slap a little old lady to get the clothes they want. Interested?

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:06 p.m.-**

**Text from Santana Lopez to Kurt Hummel**

Ur gonna have to do better then that rainbow.

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:08 p.m.-**

**Text from Kurt Hummel to Santana Lopez**

Alright. One word: Breadstix.

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:09 p.m.-**

**Text from Santana Lopez to Kurt Hummel**

B at school to pick me up from practice in 10 mins.

**… …**

**_Realization: Santana needs a friend who doesn't expect anything of her. I can be that friend._**


	7. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six – Seventh Session**

All the verdicts had been handed down at once. Karofsky was officially in a juvenile facility, his family, the members of the school board, and Figgins had all agreed on a final amount which was settled on out of court, and Figgins was on probation for the time being and still might end up fired. Everyone had been shocked to discover that the Secretary of Education was coming to McKinley, and that Sue would not be the temporary principal, they would be bringing someone in from another state.

Physical therapy for his arm was going well, even if a few new curses had started peppering his language when he was working the muscles.

Regionals was less than two weeks away, and the Warblers were considering the unthinkable – a duet, and a song where at least eight of the members shared lines back and forth, along with a classic song with Blaine front and center. (And Kurt was determined to get a solo, come hell or high water.)

The strangest thing that had happened since he was last in this waiting room was Coach Sylvester. She had shown up at Dalton, completely out of the blue, and burst into Warbler rehearsal. It was instinct that had him jumping to his feet and standing at ease when she barked his nickname.

_"Coach? What in the name of Givenchy are you doing here?"_

_"Good news, Porcelain, I'm one step closer to eradicating that cult of mouth-breathers and freaks who worship Schuester's unnaturally sulfurous hair."_

_"All due respect, Coach, but I'm not interested in helping you destroy my friends."_

_"That's all right. You'll give them more than enough competition, so long as these Country two-stepping gay birds give you what you deserve. And they had better be grateful. I gave up my secret weapon because of that measly little steriod-shooting punk Karofsky, they'd best appreciate it or die swiftly."_

_"What exactly are you doing here, Coach?"_

_"Just informing you that I am now also your competition."_

_"What?"_

_"The Aural Intensity coach had a small… accident, and I offered to take over. I informed that disgusting mass of margarine-coated hair, and the man who lives a miserable and pathetic life under it, several weeks ago, but felt you also had the right to know. So I'll see you at competition, Alabaster."_

_"Ma'am, I don't think that's-"_

_"Good God, this kid looks even more like a son of Schue than that queer queen from last year who got Berry Diva to fall for his act."_

_"Coach, this is Blaine."_

_"The one who thinks he's dating you?"_

_"He is dating me."_

_"Excuse me, but-"_

_"Shut up. I can't think when faced with your gel-encased head, Curly Q. You know the rules, Gelfling."_

_"Seeing as I am no longer a Cheerio ,I believe it doesn't still apply."_

_"You know the rules about that too. No one leaves my squad-"_

_"Unless you kick them off or they die. I remember. But I'm at a completely different school now, Coach."_

_"Doesn't matter, Ivory. Rules are rules. Now, what makes this kid worthy of my grudging stamp of approval?"_

_"Your stamp of approval? Kurt, this is-"_

_"Quiet, Blaine. How about this? I love him, Coach. He loves me back. And our relationship is built on a basis of friendship."_

_"And if someone were to attack the two of you while you were skipping merrily out of some homo bar?"_

_"You taught me enough ninjitsu that Blaine wouldn't even have to get involved. But if he did, he's actually the founder of the Dalton branch of Fight Club. Not that we can talk about that."_

_"True… Very well. Helmet Hair, I hereby give you approval to date my star performer and award-winning Cheerio, Sweet Porcelain. Should you ever break his heart, I will come to your house in the middle of the night, dressed as a clown, and rip every hair of your improbably shaped eyebrows out with tweezers, then superglue them back on your face as a mustache. Also, I'll kill you. Is that clear?"_

_"C-crystal, m-ma'am."_

_"Good. Later, Ivory."_

_"Goodbye, Coach."_

It had been nearly forty minutes before he managed to get the Warblers back under control. And really it was lucky he had explained Sue to Blaine before (and that, like all large predators, she could smell fear), otherwise the boy may have fainted under her considering glare, and then she'd have never let them keep dating.

**… …**

**Seventh Session with Kurt Hummel; Wednesday the 14th at 4:30 p.m.**

**MC:** This week, I had a question I wanted to ask you.

**KH:** Okay, what is it?

**MC:** You seem to have trouble trusting authority figures. Are there any who you would go to, if you ended up in another set of circumstances similar to what occurred with Karofsky?

**KH:** Basically, which, if any, of the authority figures in my life do I actually trust to care and protect me?

**MC:** Exactly.

**KH:** My dad, obviously. I should have told him the truth from the beginning. Carol. I don't know how she can have such an enormous heart. She and my father really are a perfect match. They're both genuinely caring, but they can also be utterly fierce when anyone threatens someone they care about. Madame Maybe, the French teacher at Dalton, who's always been welcoming. And Sue Sylvester.

**MC:** Sue Sylvester of Sue's Corner?

**KH:** (laugh) Exactly. I was a Cheerio last year, and she's been known to castrate those who mess with her team. It was the safest I'd ever felt at McKinley.

**MC:** Who directed the glee club at McKinley?

**KH:** Mr. Schue.

**MC:** Can I ask why he's not on the list?

**KH:** He (pause). He's a good man, and he tries his hardest.

**MC:** And?

**KH:** (laugh) Funny, normally you'd be saying 'but' here.

**MC:** (laugh) I decided to try a new approach. So?

**KH:** Mr. Schuester isn't homophobic, but anyone can tell that he's also not comfortable with it. With me. He tries. He just fails. Not to mention, he used to walk past me in the parking lot, every single day, when the jocks had me surrounded and were about to toss me into the dumpster. He would always say hello, but never once did he stop them. I know I looked terrified. I know he must have had some idea of what was really going on. And he didn't do anything. When it comes to other minorities, he jumps on the bandwagon of seeing how it feels to be them. New Directions once had to spend a whole week in wheelchairs to better understand how it feels to be Artie. Another time, it was all about the power of Madonna and what the world is like for women. But it seems like he's never even considered what it must be like to be gay.

**MC:** Why do you think that is?

**KH:** I'm not a professional.

**MC:** I don't expect you to be. That's my job.

**KH:** (laughs) Well, it seems like he has a deep-rooted sense of homophobia, but instead of bringing it to the surface and facing the issues, he denies them and tries to bury them. And then it ends with it showing up anyway.

**MC:** That would have been my basic diagnostic guess as well.

**KH:** The truth is, I love Mr. Schue like an uncle, but I don't trust him. He can't even be fair in assigning solos for songs, how can he be fair when it comes to life? It took Karofsky scaring me so badly that I was curled up against the lockers and crying in the hall of McKinley before he even realized something was wrong. And even then, the best he could do was bring me to Sue. I wish I believed he would try to keep me safe, but I simply can't. That's too much of a risk.

**… …**

It was Jeff and Nick, as he should have expected, who came bouncing into his room, carrying a laptop.

"Kurt! You've got to see this video-"

"-we just found on Youtube!"

"It's wicked-"

"-sweet!"

Kurt raised an eyebrow imperiously and went back to his reading. He had a fifteen page report, with at least five alternate references, due on _Crime and Punishment_ on Friday, and he was only half way through the stupid book. He did not have time for their antics.

"No, really, Kurt. You've gotta see this," Nick begged, climbing to sit on the countertenor's left.

Jeff hopped onto the bed on the pale boy's right and nodded. "Seriously. We already showed it to all the other Warblers, and Wes's head nearly exploded."

That got Kurt to put down the book. "What did you to do, show them some kind of kinky porn?"

The two best friends exchanged mischievous looks. "Not-"

"-exactly."

"Oh, Gaga! You two are _not_ the Weasley twins, so quit finishing each other's sentences. It's more creepy than entertaining," he sighed, then grabbed a bookmark and moved the heavy tome aside.

They set the computer on his lap, pulling it open, and clicked full screen before he could see the video's title. Then Nick pressed play, and a familiar song began to play, as girls in red and white polyester cheerleading outfits flipped across the stage.

"_J'ai compris tous les mots - j'ai bien compris. Merci, raisonnable et nouveau, c'est ainsi par ici…_"

"You-you showed this to _everyone?_"

"Yup," they responded in synch.

Which was when they ran, leaving Kurt to ask himself WWSD? What Would Sue Do?

Simple: destroy them. Let the plotting commence.

**… …**

**_Realization: I trust Coach Sylvester, who is the devil incarnate, more than I ever will Mr. Schue when it comes to protecting me and caring about my welfare._**

**_… …_**

**_…_**

**_… …_**

**__**_a/n It was pointed out to me by mumimeanjudy that I had originally fired Figgins in this chapter, but then still had him as principal at the McKinley Prom. This has now been fixed, and thank you to mumimeanjudy for pointing this out!_


	8. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven – Eighth Session**

Try outs for solos were officially over, and Wes had called the entire process a "travesty of the highest order". Thad had spent almost the whole time shouting his famous "you mock us, sir" line. And David had sat back and let it happen.

It had begun when _every single Warbler_ signed up to try out for a solo. Not just the normal one or two for background solos, that would better set off Blaine. No, this time, Kurt had led a grassroots movement to force the council, and the rest of the Warblers, to listen to _all_ of their comrades, not just the select few.

Then the songs started.

One person sang a Latin Mass. Another followed it up with "Devil's Dance Floor", by Flogging Molly. There was the Cyndi Lauper version of "Time After Time", "21st Century Cure" from _Repo! The Genetic Opera_, "Touch My Soul" from _bare_, the Eagles' hit "Hotel California", complete with a three minute air-guitar solo, etc. It was chaos.

Even Blaine had gotten in on the act, insisting on trying out and singing "Something's Coming" from _West Side Story_.

But the icing on the cake was Jeff and Nick's rendition of the _Avenue Q_ song "Schadenfreude", which included a line where a certain (rather strong and "entirely inappropriate!") curse was yelled at the audience.

When it came time for Kurt to try out (he had somehow ended up at the bottom of the list), his underscored, true-to-life rendition of Ingrid Michaelson's "Be Ok" was met with loud applause.

Really, the council had every reason to be angry. The pieces they were considering for competition were their normal choices of Top 40 pop songs, and the Warbler members had given them "nothing to work with", according to Thad.

By the end of the yelling, Wes had looked like he was about to burst a blood vessel. But David had continued to sit calmly, watching all the performances with a small smile and an open ear. Eventually, he pulled his fellow councilmen back into their seats, and coolly announced, "The masses have spoken, gentlemen. Whether we want things to change or not, they are about to. Better to jump onboard than remain stubbornly on an un-manned, sinking ship."

The next thing Kurt knew, he had been paired up with Blaine to try out a number of songs as duets, while Jeff and Nick had taken over another song, grabbed four other boys, and were trying out which lines who should sing.

Shockingly, Flint (the gentle giant who was quiet and polite and had never snapped back at Kurt, not once, even when the countertenor was being a total bitch) was the one to march up to the council and say that he wanted "one damn solo". His performance of "21st Century Cure" had showed that his low, deep voice was stunning and had given Kurt, at least, the shivers. Staring up at him in surprise, all three slowly nodded, before Thad asked, "What were you thinking of singing?" Flint hadn't had a clue, but was simply determined to have his chance to shine.

That was the point when Kurt truly realized that the Warblers were not only willing to change, even though it scared them, they were _going_ to change. And he had helped that happen.

**… …**

**Eighth Session with Kurt Hummel; Wednesday the 21st at 4:30 p.m.**

**KH:** You will not believe what happened at Dalton yesterday.

**MC:** Oh?

**KH:** The Warblers. (pause, laugh) The boys decided they wanted things to be different, and now the council isn't fighting it, and I'm going to be singing a duet with Blaine at Regionals.

**MC:** Wow. Aren't these the same boys who, just a few weeks ago, you thought would never change?

**KH:** Exactly! But they have. And (pause), and I was part of that choice.

**MC:** Has the song for the duet been decided yet?

**KH:** No, we're still looking. But different guys at school keep coming up to me and suggesting songs. It's (pause) surreal. It's like they actually want to be involved in my life.

**MC:** You don't think they do?

**KH:** Of course not. I'm (pause). Oh Gaga, I was about to use "the gay kid" explanation.

**MC:** Why?

**KH:** I suppose I'm used to boys avoiding me. All the ones at McKinley were afraid to "catch the gay", like it was contagious or something.

**MC:** Have any of the other students at Dalton ever treated you that way?

**KH:** They (pause). No. The boys at McKinley avoided touching me, except when they were slamming me into lockers or throwing me in a dumpster. But the guys at Dalton (pause). The day that I sneaked in to spy on them, Blaine held my hand while leading me around. My first day there, Jeff and Nick both showed up to jump on my bed and hug me. Thad is always putting his arm around me, and he was the one who was, and still is, always inviting me to hang out at group things. It was weird, but nice.

**MC:** And the New Direction boys? Do they treat you like you're going to "turn them gay"?

**KH:** Not anymore. Thinking back, it seems like it started to change around the time a few of them stood up to Karofsky for me. Sam ended up with a black eye. They started trying to show more interest in me, although my song and outfit suggestions were still shot down. I guess I was so focused on Karofsky and Blaine that (pause) I didn't really notice. They didn't touch me much, but now that I'm remembering, there were differences. Mike offered to help me with my dance technique, and that required a fair bit of touching. And Sam would clap me on the back or throw an arm over my shoulder in the halls. Things the jocks used to do that led up to locker slams and dumpster tosses. But he just ignored my instinctive flinching and walked me to class. After I transferred, I never really saw the ND guys, except when I was home and Finn was having a video game marathon. And then I generally only saw them when I would go in to yell at them to turn the sound down.

**MC:** Have they shown any interest in spending time with you lately?

**KH:** Mike and Sam have both texted me a few times, asking if I wanted to "hang out". And Artie invited me to his house for a movie night.

**MC:** Did you say yes to any of them?

**KH:** No. I suppose (pause) I didn't really believe any of them wanted to spend time with me. Why would they?

**MC:** And now?

**KH:** I think (pause), I think I'd like to spend time with them. Especially those three. They've always been kind to me, and none of them ever took part in the bullying. Sam even agreed to sing a duet with me earlier in the year, though I called it off.

**MC:** Why did you do that?

**KH:** Finn convinced me that singing with another boy would get them beaten up.

**MC:** Is Finn still making comments like that?

**KH:** No. For a long time, I thought I was in love with him, and I realize now that that infatuation was more similar to Stockholm Syndrome than anything else. He was the only one of my bullies who ever treated me with any type of kindness. He's still coming to terms with his homophobia, and there was a blow-up when he and Carol first moved into the house. Lately (pause) he's been a lot more careful about what he says and how he says it. There are still moments were he'll call things gay, as a negative connotation, but he's doing much better. I think it helps that, since the wedding, he sees me as a brother, someone who shouldn't have a romantic interest in him. And since I (pause), since the coma ended, he's been a lot more affectionate. He even spent the first night I was home in my bed with me. (laugh) He said he needed to be able to hold on to me and be sure I was there, or he would have nightmares.

**MC:** Really?

**KH:** Really. He can be such a little kid sometimes. For nearly a week, it was like I was his teddy bear. So, at this point, I really do believe he's mostly overcome his previous homophobia.

**… …**

The text had come just after he got out of the session.

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:03 p.m.-**

**Text from Mike Chang to Kurt Hummel**

All the ND guys are hanging out this Friday. You in?

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:10 p.m.-**

**Text from Kurt Hummel to Mike Chang**

None of you have ever invited me before. Why now?

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:12 p.m.-**

**Text from Mike Chang to Kurt Hummel**

Our favorite pair of idiots always got up-in-arms about it.

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:15 p.m.-**

**Text from Kurt Hummel to Mike Chang**

Got it. Excuse me while I go murder my step-brother and intelligence-challenged best friend.

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:16 p.m.-**

**Text from Mike Chang to Kurt Hummel**

Cool with me. But that means you're on my team during Halo Tournaments.

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:18 p.m.-**

**Text from Kurt Hummel to Mike Chang**

Halo? Really? Do you have to be such stereotypical teenage boys?

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:19 p.m.-**

**Text from Mike Chang to Kurt Hummel**

Just because you're cooler than all of us doesn't mean you won't get just as addicted, bro. See you Friday!

Kurt had immediately called his History study partner, a gamer named Aaron, and asked who could teach him some of the basics of Halo. If he had to play, he was going to play well.

The McKinley boys weren't going to know what hit them.

**… …**

**_Realization: I can be friends with boys, and there are boys who actually want to be friends with me._**


	9. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight – Ninth Session**

Rachel had been emailing him, almost non-stop, for the past week. It seemed that New Directions had not yet settled on a playlist, because she clearly still had time to harass him.

Each message came at him a different way, but they basically all boiled down to the same thing: "I'd like to use your face and voice as that of a perpetual victim, to help drum up support for my war on bullying."

Had he been a victim? Yes. Was he still a victim? No. He refused to view himself as such. Kurt would not allow her to define him that way. That was not what he wanted people to remember when they thought about him twenty years from now.

He would help her however he could, but he would not shoehorn himself in the role of victim. It was demeaning, and it would be crippling if he allowed himself to believe that was all he was.

Rachel, however, could not seem to take the hint. He'd responded politely, with all of his reasons _not_ to be the poster boy for her cause, to the first few emails. After that, he took to simply deleting them. She even tried to convince him through Finn, who had now firmly decided he was never again getting in the middle of an argument between Rachel and his step-brother.

And Rachel still wouldn't listen.

With a sigh, Kurt checked his iPhone again, trashing her latest missive, and waited for the door to open and his session to begin.

**… …**

**Ninth Session with Kurt Hummel; Wednesday the 28th at 4:30 p.m.**

**MC:** How are the preparations for Regionals going?

**KH:** Good. It's in two weeks, and I'm more than a little anxious, but we'll make it. It's especially odd, because I'm so used to the crazy, last minute rush to pull things together at McKinley. New Directions tends not to begin panicking, with the exception of Rachel, until about a day before we perform. The Warblers, on the other hand, have two full weeks to finalize and brush up their song choices, and they're all saying we're too late and won't have time to get everything ready. It's an interesting contrast.

**MC:** And has the duet for you and Blaine been decided yet?

**KH:** We've been practicing "Without You", from RENT. I don't know if we'll actually perform it, though. I'm a little worried the judges will mark us down for having two boys sing a love song together, and have suggested that perhaps we should look for something a bit more subtle. But it's Blaine, so he's gone charging ahead, full speed, determined to not have that affect our performance.

**MC:** What about the other boys? Are they happy with the current set list?

**KH:** You could say that. Nick and Jeff are over the moon about the possibility of singing a song that was first popular almost twenty years ago. The idea of escaping the Top 40 seems to have the same effect on them as crack cocaine.

**MC:** What song?

**KH:** "Joyride", by Roxette. They came across it on a radio station that plays older hits, and that one caught their attention. They're splitting it up between seven boys, themselves included. I've only heard bits and pieces of their version, and have done some work on the background parts, but what I have heard is amazing.

**MC:** Anything else exciting happening?

**KH:** Nothing unusual. Everything's died down a little, in regards to the press calling since the verdicts on the different cases were handed down. I'm officially old news.

**MC:** Is that a good thing?

**KH:** I think so. Yes, I want the spotlight. But I want to have that attention based on my talents, not on being a victim. In many ways, I just want it to be over. Completely.

**MC:** Is there a specific reason you feel that it isn't?

**KH:** Rachel's anti-bullying campaign. It's a good cause, and I believe in it. But I don't want to be the poster child for her newest crusade. I want to be a contributor and help out, yet she can't seem to accept that I don't want to be the face of the organization.

**MC:** Have you told her this?

**KH:** Several times. It hasn't made a difference. Once Rachel gets an idea in her head, she won't stop. And, unfortunately, despite the cause being good, and the campaign being something the nation needs, it's reached the point where it's no longer about the bullied, it's about Rachel. She does this all the time, and constantly forces all the attention and applause back to herself.

**MC:** Why do you think that is?

**KH:** Parents should love their children. I'll never deny that. But sometimes they let their child get away with too much, to the detriment of their own lives. I appreciate Rachel's fathers, who are both wonderful men. But I avoid their house because it's a shrine to Rachel, I avoid their presence because Rachel is all they seem to talk about, and I avoid spending any more time with Rachel than I have to because she is the most self-centered person I know.

**MC:** You sound more than a little bitter about that.

**KH:** Rachel is (pause). She's talented, and she knows it. She lives under the delusion that she will always be the best, and expects the world to know the same. Which causes her to always consider herself the best person for a solo or a relationship, etc. Don't get me wrong, she's gotten better since Mr. Schue took over glee. But she still acts as though everyone else is background. In her mind, she's the main character and we're side characters without fully developed back stories who aren't worthy of a chance at being in the spotlight. And to think most people compare us to each other.

**MC:** Why do you think they do that?

**KH:** Because we're both loud and dramatic, we love Broadway, and we want to be the center of attention.

**MC:** So how are you different from her?

**KH:** Rachel (long pause). Alright, as an example, she wouldn't throw a competition or give up a solo if her life, or the life of someone close to her, depended on it. I missed a note on purpose during a Diva Off with her to protect my father from ignorant homophobes who would have harassed him for having a gay son. Her fame is more important to Rachel than anything. I, on the other hand, would pick my father being happy over ever having the fame I crave. That's the fundamental difference between Rachel and me. I think, in a lot of ways, I relate to Quinn more than Rachel.

**MC:** How so?

**KH:** At heart, she wants attention. Quinn wants people to notice her and approve of her and envy her. I understand that. Since Beth, though, she's learned to put other things first. She's still struggling, but it seems like she's starting to understand that there are other things, things that are more important than popularity or approval.

**MC:** Who's Beth?

**KH:** Her daughter. She ended up pregnant last year. Actually ended up having the baby right after we performed at Regionals. (laughs) That was a legitimately insane evening. She and Noah, who was the father, decided that they weren't ready to be the parents their daughter needed, so they gave her up for adoption. To Rachel's birth mother, actually.

**MC:** And you think that's where it started?

**KH:** The change in Quinn? It really started after her father threw her out for getting pregnant. That was the point where she seemed to realize that you can't make everyone happy. She'd spent so much time trying to be what other people wanted, and no time trying to discover who she could be. Being out from under her father's thumb gave her that chance. Beth was just one more piece of the puzzle that snapped into place. Occasionally, she goes back to acting like she used to, and cuts her friends off. But she's overcoming that. The more I've talked with her, the more it feels like she's becoming who she wants to be, instead of who she's expected to be. I think it would actually be better if she and Finn broke up, not that I'll tell them that. I love Finn, he's an adorable goof. But they aren't good for one another. She falls back into the old habit of dominating her partner, which she learned watching her own parents. And Finn unconsciously resents that and starts fighting back by noticing things about other girls, and paying more attention to them than his girlfriend. And no matter how much time passes, I think their relationship will always end up that way.

**… …**

** -Wednesday, text received at 5:16 p.m.-**

**Text from Kurt Hummel to Quinn Fabray**

I need your help.

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:17 p.m.-**

**Text from Quinn Fabray to Kurt Hummel**

what's going on, kurt?

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:18 p.m.-**

**Text from Kurt Hummel to Quinn Fabray**

I'm sure you've heard about Rachel's anti-bullying movement.

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:20 p.m.-**

**Text from Quinn Fabray to Kurt Hummel**

besides trying to figure out our setlist for regionals, that's pretty much all she talks about.

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:22 p.m.-**

**Text from Kurt Hummel to Quinn Fabray**

Well did she or Finn mention that our beloved/psycho diva is trying to make me the *face of the victims*?

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:24 p.m.-**

**Text from Quinn Fabray to Kurt Hummel**

to borrow a phrase from mercedes, aw hell no!

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:25 p.m.-**

**Text from Quinn Fabray to Kurt Hummel**

would you like me to rip off her current hideous knit animal sweater and stuff it into that enormous mouth of hers?

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:27 p.m.-**

**Text from Kurt Hummel to Quinn Fabray**

That's unnecessary, though kind of you. No, I was hoping maybe you would help me put together a presentation for her and her fathers that shines the light on *all* bullying, not just homophobic bullying. Thoughts?

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:30 p.m.-**

**Text from Quinn Fabray to Kurt Hummel**

i'd be glad to help. and while we're at it, i could use your input on something.

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:31 p.m.-**

**Text from Kurt Hummel to Quinn Fabray**

Of course. What's going on?

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:33 p.m.-**

**Text from Quinn Fabray to Kurt Hummel**

finchel. what else? i think finn's working up the nerve to dump me.

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:34 p.m.-**

**Text from Kurt Hummel to Quinn Fabray**

Sweetheart, is that really such a bad thing? You told me yourself, you don't like who you are when you're with Finn.

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:40 p.m.-**

**Text from Quinn Fabray to Kurt Hummel**

i know. can we talk tonight?

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:41 p.m.-**

**Text from Kurt Hummel to Quinn Fabray**

Absolutely. I'll pick you up at 7, and we can make healthy cookies and watch Benny and Joon and talk. Sound good?

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:42 p.m.-**

**Text from Quinn Fabray to Kurt Hummel**

sounds perfect. i love you.

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:43 p.m.-**

**Text from Kurt Hummel to Quinn Fabray**

I love you too, gorgeous.

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:44 p.m.-**

**Text from Quinn Fabray to Kurt Hummel**

why couldn't you be straight? i would have been all over that. ;-)

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:45 p.m.-**

**Text from Kurt Hummel to Quinn Fabray**

Ah, but if I were straight, I either wouldn't be as fabulous, or Brittany would have convinced me to elope already.

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:47 p.m.-**

**Text from Quinn Fabray to Kurt Hummel**

*sigh* i suppose you're right. damn that brittany! why does she have to be so lovable and sweet?

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:48 p.m.-**

**Text from Kurt Hummel to Quinn Fabray**

Don't ask me. I wouldn't know how to be that kind if I ate nothing but sugar for the rest of my life.

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:50 p.m.-**

**Text from Quinn Fabray to Kurt Hummel**

you're not alone, kurt. :-) thank you.

**-Wednesday, text received at 5:52 p.m.-**

**Text from Kurt Hummel to Quinn Fabray**

My pleasure, sweetheart.

**… …**

**_Realization: Everyone points out how similar I am to Rachel when, in reality, I'm more like Quinn._**


	10. Interlude

**Interlude - Regionals**

**-Friday, front lobby of Dublin Scioto High School, 5:32 p.m.-**

Kurt was nervous. Yes, the Warblers had all voted on and agreed that he and Blaine should sing a duet. Yes, they kept coming up and telling him he was going to "kick ass" or "be awesome".

Still, it was his first time actually performing a solo during competition. And that was terrifying.

In his attempt to calm down, he was sitting at the snack bar, much like during Sectionals, sipping a Ginger Ale and cursing his sudden, inexplicable stage fright.

What if he missed a note? What if he forgot the dance steps?

_What if he forgot the words?_

Which was when someone slapped him on the back of his well-coiffed head.

Spinning, Kurt found three of his favorite girls grinning at him in matching shiny, light blue dresses with thick strips of black ribbon tied around their waists and a bedazzled pattern accenting the neckline. It was the Unholy Trinity. Brittany bounced forward to kiss him lightly on the mouth, and he grinned, returning the kiss. Santana had placed the hand she'd used to hit him on one hip, as she smirked. Quinn wore a similar expression, but her hands were tucked together in front of her and-

"_You cut your hair?_"

The shriek cut through the din, causing almost everyone to turn and stare instinctively at the noise.

Quinn and Kurt both blushed bright red at the attention, than the small blonde shrugged. "Right after I broke up with Finn."

That had the countertenor staring, before he huffed and rolled his eyes. "Of course you did. Why is it New Directions can't ever go into a competition without as much interpersonal drama as a soap opera?"

Santana laughed loudly. "We _thrive_ on it. How else are we supposed to kick you and your harem of gay birds' asses?"

He merely looked confidently down his nose at her. "I'll have you know that you are _not_ beating us this time. We're… trying something new, and so far, it's going swimmingly."

Which was when Nick came running up. "Kurt, I think Flint's gonna lose his cookies! You need to do something!"

The girls all raised their eyebrows at their friend, who sighed, then stood. "Alright, Nick, lead on." As he turned and began walking, he realized that the Warbler wasn't with him. Spinning on his heel, he saw Nick flirting with the three McKinley girls, and now it was his turn to smack the back of someone's head.

"Ow! _Kuuuuuuuuuurt!_" Nick whined.

He just grabbed the other boy's ear and proceeded to drag him away.

From behind him, he heard Quinn call, "Kurt! Listen to the second song. It's for you!"

At the words, tears tried to fill his eyes. Of all the things he missed about New Directions, that was one of the biggest: for any reason, or no reason at all, the gleeks dedicated songs to one another, trying to show support or anger or simply connection. He hadn't had that since transferring. (With the exception of the compellingly cheesy and sweet song Blaine had written and sung to Kurt in the hospital, over two months ago.)

Pulling Nick back towards the area the Warblers had commandeered, he realized his fear of going out on the stage and singing was gone. Because he knew, no matter what happened, his McKinley family would be out there, rooting for him to succeed.

**… …**

**-Friday, Row J in the auditorium of Dublin Scioto High School, 5:39 p.m.-**

"We saw my dolphin!" Brittany announced happily, as she bounced into her spot besides Artie. "But one of the birdies came to take Kurt away because he needed Kurt to help him find Flint's cookies."

Everyone nodded as though they understood, and Santana sneered. "One of the other Garglers is barfing and they wanted Porcelain to get the kid's head back in the game."

That… made a lot more sense.

"I wonder how hard Rainbow'll have to smack a bitch to snap the dude out of it," Santana mused, slipping into her chair. She and Puck immediately started debating whether Kurt and his "gay hobbit" were into S&M kinks.

Rachel, meanwhile, was ignoring them and focusing on Quinn. "Did you tell him?"

"That the song is for him?" Quinn responded, than smiling softly. "Yes, I did."

"Good. It is, after all, important that he understand just how much we are aware of his former plight and that, one day, he will be famous, though not as famous as me, and all his tormentors will regret their harsh words and actions towards him."

Mercedes slapped a hand over the brunette's mouth. "Berry, please stop. We get it, you're excited for him to hear the song. Now shut up and sit down, 'cause I think it's about to start."

Glancing up, they noticed that the lights were indeed flickering on and off as a warning to the audience to take their seats.

A voice came through the speakers after everyone settled in.

"And now, our judges for the 2011 Midwest Regional Show Choir Competition: Local broadcasting legend and man about town, Rod Remington!"

There was basic applause as the news anchor pushed himself up and waved, before faking a golf swing.

"Recent Tea Party candidate and home schooler, Tammy Jean Alberston!"

The redheaded woman stood, made the sign of the cross, then saluted the audience at large.

"And former exotic dancer and current Carmelite nun, author of the upcoming Lima Press memoir, _Habit to Habit_, Sister Mary Constance!"

Coming to her feet, the nun smiled widely at the audience and waved, as wolf whistles were heard.

"And now, from Westvale High School, let's have a warm welcome for Aural Intensity!"

Both New Directions and the Warblers fought the urge to boo their competition.

Kurt, on the other hand, was biting his nails, wondering if Sue could pull off for a show choir what she had already done six times for her Cheerios.

Then the curtain went up, the band started playing a song no one recognized, and the group began dancing and singing about… _Jesus?_

"_Jesus is a friend of mine!_"

"_Jesus is my friend!_"

"_Jesus is a friend of mine!_"

"_I'm a friend of Jesus!_"

"_Jesus is a friend of mine!_"

"_Jesus is my friend!_"

"_Jesus is a friend of mine!_"

Their moves were smooth and quick, their outfits were flattering, and they had good harmony but what in the name of Alexander McQueen kind of song choice was this? What really shocked Kurt was how much of the audience actually seemed to be enjoying the song. Then, as if it weren't already cliché enough, the dancers formed a Star of David to finish up the song.

As for New Directions, while a few (Mike and Mercedes in particular) had bounced along to the music, most of them sat in shock, trying to decide whether to be worried or offended, especially when most everyone in the auditorium jumped to their feet to applaud at the end of the song.

Kurt was suddenly glad to allow the anxiety about his own performance to fill him, if it meant he didn't have to suffer through whatever horrendous melody Sue had chosen for Aural Intensity to put on next.

He waited for the panic to set in, but as the group finished and rushed off stage, and the Dalton boys took their places, he looked across to the opposite side of the backstage area and saw Blaine, who just smiled softly and winked.

And suddenly, he was ready.

**… …**

The Warblers were announced, and the entirety of New Directions leaned forward. Santana and Quinn, in particular, were remembering Kurt's declaration that the Warblers were "trying something new".

Then the lights came up, and there were the Warblers, set up in a familiar triangular shape over the bleachers on stage. One of the biggest immediate differences was the lack of Dalton blazers. Instead, they all wore black, button-down collared shirts, with bright blue-and-red striped Dalton ties, and black slacks. The difference was subtle, but there. They no longer looked like an enormous Barbershop Quartet – they looked like performers. They started in on a strange series of notes.

The second change became immediate moments later, when a voice that _wasn't_ Blaine's rang out from stage right.

"_Baby's black balloon makes her fly. I almost fell into that hole in your life. And you're not thinking about tomorrow, 'cause you were the same as me but on your knees!_"

Kurt slowly walked forward, eyes fixed on the audience, singing an octave above the normal key for the song. And it was subtle, but New Directions felt it: this song meant something to Kurt. Something powerful and aching and wonderful, too.

Then another voice came from stage left. That was when they got what the song meant, as Blaine aimed the words straight at their friend.

"_A thousand other boys could never reach you. How could I have been the one? I saw the world spin beneath you, and scatter like ice from the spoon that was your world!_"

And finally, those two very different voices were rising together, creating a beautiful duet of sound. The rest of the Warblers added backing harmonies that gave the song a rich tone, and another dimension.

"_Comin' down, the world turned over. And angels fall without you there. And I go on as you get colder, or are you someone's prayer?_"

Now they were tossing lines back and forth, and it seemed so natural, less like something they had practiced and more like something out of a movie – a song occurring simply because it should.

"_You know the lies they always told you?_"

"_And the love you never knew._"

"_What're the things they never showed you-_"

"_That swallowed the light from the sun, inside your room!_"

They sidled closer, glances flicking back and forth between the crowd of watchers and each other, until they were standing, side-by-side, their voices echoing through the auditorium.

"_Comin' down, the world turned over. And angels fall without you there. And I go on as you get colder._

"_And there's no time left for losin', when you stand they fall!_

"_Comin' down, the world turned over. And angels fall without you there. And I'll go on to bring you home!_"

They split the parts, as the backing Warblers softly hummed, before stopping all together, so that the last line could sound true with just the two boys.

"_All because I'm-_"

"_All because I'm-_"

"_And I'll become what you became to me._"

There was silence, and then the air was filled with an overwhelming roar of clapping and whistles.

Rachel and Mercedes were holding hands and bouncing in their seats, cheering. Finn had never looked more proud. Quinn and Santana exchanged looks of "_hell yes, he did!_", while Lauren noticed Puck crying and punched him in the shoulder, even as she discreetly wiped a few tears from her own eyes.

Mike and Tina hugged tightly, while Sam fought the urge to jump up and start dancing. Brittany was trying to do just that, but Artie had pulled her down onto his lap and so she shrugged and showed her happiness another way – enthusiastic making out.

And Mr. Schuester fought the urge to slam his head through the nearest wall. Why hadn't he been aware Kurt could perform songs like that? In his mind, he had put Kurt's song range into a little box labeled "Broadway", even though he _knew_ Kurt could sing other genres of music. And while this song hadn't shown off the boy's voice like "Le Jazz Hot", for instance, it was still a flick on the ear to realize he had both underestimated and perhaps even purposefully ignored Kurt's talent.

Finally, the applause died down, and the Warblers all stepped forward, their movements loose and easy and fun.

"1-2-3-4!"

This was distinctly not the same group of Warblers who they had competed against at Sectionals. Those Warblers would never have been dancing around, doing backflips and grapevines and spins. Nor would they split up a song between half-a-dozen soloists, rather than one main frontman, while the rest (including Blaine) sang backup.

"_Walking like a man, hitting like a hammer._"

"_She's a juvenile scam, never was a quitter._"

"_Tasty like a raindrop. She's got the look._"

"_Heavenly bound 'cause heaven's got a number._"

"_When she's spinning me around, kissing is a color_."

"_Her loving is a wild dog. She's got the look_."

And for the chorus, it was Kurt happily grinning as he sung the high echo.

"_She's got the look!_"

("_She's got the look._")

"_She's got the look!_"

("_She's got the look._")

"_What in the world can make a brown-eyed girl turn blue? When everything I'll ever do, I'll do for you. And I go: la la la la la! She's got the look!_"

"_Fire is the ice, naked to the t-bone-_"

"_Is a lover's disguise, banging on the head drum._"

"_Shaking like a mad bull. She's got the look._"

"_Swaying to the band, moving like a hammer_."

"_She's a miracle man. Loving is the ocean._"

"_Kissing is the wet sand. She's got the look_."

This time there were two echoes, Kurt singing high and Blaine singing low.

"_She's got the look!_"

("_She's got the look._")

"_She's got the look!_"

("_She's got the look._")

"_What in the world can make a brown-eyed girl turn blue? When everything I'll ever do, I'll do for you. And I go: la la la la la! She's got the look!_"

"_Walking like a man, hitting like a hammer._"

"_She's a juvenile scam, never was a quitter._"

"_Tasty like a raindrop. She's got the look_."

Then all six of the soloists sang together, with the rest of the Warblers cutting out.

"_And she goes: na na na na na, na na na na na, na na na na na_."

Before everyone came back in for the chorus.

"_She's got the look!_"

("_She's got the look._")

"_She's got the look!_"

("_She's got the look._")

"_What in the world can make a brown-eyed girl turn blue? When everything I'll ever do, I'll do for you. And I go: la la la la la! She's got the look!_

"_What in the world can make you so blue? When everything I'll ever do, I'll do for you. And I go: la la la la la._

"_She's got the look._"

**… …**

As they rushed off stage, Kurt only waited until they were out of sight of the audience, then he pulled his boyfriend to him tightly and pressed his lips hard to the short boy's. Pulling back before Blaine really had a chance to return the gesture, he winked and quietly teased, "I think I might be in love with you."

That made Blaine laugh and jokingly raise an eyebrow. "Really? Well, that's good, 'cause I think I might be in love with you, too."

Moving in for another kiss, they heard a gagging sound behind them and spun to find the rest of the Warblers watching. It was Andrew who was sticking out his tongue and mock dry-heaving. "You two are just way too damn sweet!"

In response, the couple snuggled into one another, then turned with happy puppy dog eyes aimed at their schoolmates.

Trent stumbled back, clutching at his chest. "No! _No!_ Not the puppy dog eyes of _doooom!_"

That left everyone laughing, the adrenaline still pumping through them causing it to go on much longer than it otherwise would have. They were lucky the ten minute break had just been announced, otherwise the entire audience would probably have heard them.

Finally, Kurt began herding the teenagers out into the hall so that they could retake their seats in the auditorium. As he passed the green room, he was suddenly separated from the Warblers, as a tiny brunette blur appeared in a flash to grab him and drag him inside.

For a moment, the Daltonites stood, unmoving, in shock. Then they charged into the room after their countertenor.

Inside, they found him being passed around, from person to person, as all of the New Directions hugged and congratulated him.

At their entrance, Rachel spun to look them over and sniffed. "That performance was, quite frankly, far superior to the one I was expecting. I congratulate you on-"

Santana pushed the girl aside and stalked closer to the boys, who instinctively huddled back away from her. "What Man-hands means is congrats on finally removing the sticks from your asses, prepsters."

Thad opened his mouth, and Flint immediately clapped a hand over it, before nodding his head at the terrifyingly straightforward female.

Nick and Jeff, on the other hand, bounded forward to grab Kurt's arms.

"We'll be taking this back now-"

"-if you don't mind."

"And we'll still take him back-"

"-even if you _do_ mind."

Kurt rolled his eyes as Brittany, who had wrapped herself around him at the boy's words, protested that he was "her dolphin first". Dropping a kiss on the girl's cheek, he removed himself from her arms, shook of the hold of the best friends, than winked at the rest of his old glee club. "Knock 'em dead, guys."

Mercedes nodded. "You better believe it, boo."

Then the backstage warning bell rang, and the Warblers rushed out of the room, calling back "good luck"s and "break a leg"s.

The New Directions shared anxious looks, then smiled and stepped out into the hall, heading toward the stage.

**… …**

"And now, from William McKinley High in Lima, Ohio, the New Directions!"

That got a snicker from Jeff, causing Nick to hit his leg. Leaning forward, he ignored his bestie to whisper to Kurt, "Did you guys even _think_ about how that would sound when you named your club?"

Kurt actually snorted, then stuck his nose in the air before coldly replying, "You think we're the only group whose name doubles for a porn production company? _Aural Intensity_? _Vocal Adrenaline_?"

That cut Jeff off as he considered the words.

Meanwhile, Kurt leaned forward and watched as Rachel walked slowly to the microphone set up center stage, movements contained and quiet rather than her normally actions which demanded people's attention. She shot a questioning look offstage, and whatever she saw gave her the courage to smile as the piano began to play.

"_What have I done? I wish I could run away from this ship going under._

"_Just trying to help, hurt everyone else. Now I feel the weight of the world is on my shoulders._

"_What can you do when your good isn't good enough, and all that you touch tumbles down? 'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things. I just wanna fix it somehow. But how many times will it take? Oh, how many times will it take for me to get it right? To get it right?_"

As Tina and Brittany joined Rachel on stage, Kurt was struck by Rachel's singing. For Rachel, it had always been about the attention and the spotlight. This was the most honest performance he had ever seen out of her, and it was breathtaking and bitter and lovely. Reaching out, he caught Blaine's hand in his own and whispered, "They're doing original songs."

Blaine's eyebrows went up, and then he focused even harder on the stage as this new development sunk in.

"_Can I start again, with my faith shaken? 'Cause I can't go back and undo this. I just have to stay and face my mistakes. But if I get stronger and wiser I'll get through this._

"_What can you do when your good isn't good enough, and all that you touch tumbles down? 'But how many times will it take? Oh, how many times will it take for me to get it right?_

"_So I throw up my fists, throw a punch in the air! And accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair. Yeah, I'll send out a wish, and I'll send up a prayer. Then finally, someone will see how much I care!_"

The note stretched, and Britt and Tina began the chorus again, while people were standing and already applauding. Rachel and Mercedes always had been the ones to beat for the extended notes. As if summoned, Mercedes and the rest of the ND girls joined the first three on stage, taking their spots and joining their voices to the sound.

"_And all that you touch tumbles down? Oh, my best intentions keep making a mess of things. Just wanna fix it somehow!_

"_But how many times will it take?_"

Then it returned to the original format, of simply Rachel and the piano as the song drew to a close.

"_Oh, how many times will it take to get it right? To get it right?_"

The clapping and cheering was everything the girl could have asked for, as she beamed from her place in front of everyone. But Kurt could see the tears forming in her eyes and understood - Rachel Berry had written a song that put her own mistakes and painful hopes on display, had shared it with an audience of strangers, and all the applause in the world wouldn't make her feel less vulnerable than she did in that moment.

"Ladies and gentlemen," she announced. "We're the New Directions."

Kurt heard Jeff chortle at her pronunciation, just different enough from the normal one to make it sound less scandalous.

A stagehand rushed up and took her mic, as the rest of the club filed out and took their places on stage.

Quinn's earlier words were repeated in his head as the guitars began to play.

"_Listen to the second song. It's for you!_"

Then they were all stomping and spinning and started singing about being losers, leaving Kurt to blink in confusion. Then he got it, and he laughed out loud as joy filled him.

"_Yeah, you may think that I'm a zero. But hey, everyone you wanna be probably started off like me. And you may say that I'm a freak show._"

"I don't care," Santana shrugged and smirked.

"_But hey, give it just a little time, I bet you're gonna change your mind._

"_All of that dirt you've been throwing my way, it ain't so hard to take. That's right! 'Cause I know one day, you'll be screaming my name and I'll just look away. That's right!_"

Kurt tried to fight the pull for mere moments, before standing and cheering, bopping to the beat, while the Warblers looked on in amusement. By the end of the chorus, they had joined him, dancing in the aisles.

"_Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth, so everyone can hear. Hit me with the worst you got and knock me down. Baby, I don't care. Keep it up and soon enough you'll figure out, you wanna be- You wanna be a loser like me!_"

The L's they were holding up to their foreheads were familiar symbol that everyone watching understood. After all, who, at one point or another, hadn't been called a loser?

"_A loser like me!_"

It was Finn who sang the lines that really hit Kurt though.

"_Push me up against the locker and hey, all I do is shake it off. I'll get you back when I'm your boss._

"_I'm not thinking about you haters. 'Cause hey, I can be a superstar. I'll see you when you wash my car!_"

They had just used two of the phrases, nearly verbatim, that were Kurt's favorite to toss out before he was forced to go dumpster diving.

"_All of the dirt you've been throwing my way, it ain't so hard to take. That's right! 'Cause I know one day, you'll be screaming my name and I'll just look away. That's right!_

"_Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth, so everyone can hear. Hit me with the worst you got and knock me down. Baby, I don't care. Keep it up and soon enough you'll figure out, you wanna be- You wanna be a loser like me!_"

Their style was utterly different from the Warblers, as each individual put a different spin on the same moves. But it worked. Because, even separately, they were still a team, and it showed.

"_So go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth, so everyone can hear! Hit me with the worst you got and knock me down. Baby, I don't care. Keep it up and soon enough you'll figure out, you wanna be- You wanna be a loser like me!_"

Mike started wheeling something in from stage left, and Kurt felt the breath go out of his body. Was that… a _slushy machine? Did they intend to slushy the audience?_

"_A loser like me! A loser like me!_"

Then they tossed whatever was in the familiar cups, and shining confetti flew over the overjoyed crowd, signaling the end of New Directions' turn on the stage.

Kurt had never been so proud of them.

**… …**

It felt like a second and eternity all wrapped up in one terrible bow as the judges closed themselves in a room to deliberate. When the votes had been tallied, the three choirs were called to the stage and stood in anxious silence.

"And now, to announce our winner, Lieutenant Governor Stevens's wife, Carla Turlington Stevens!"

The older blonde joined them onstage, mic in one hand and the final results of the voting in the other.

Coming to a stop, she swayed slightly, before loudly speaking. "My husband is verbally abusive, and I have been drinking since noon."

That had all three groups shooting looks at one another.

"I'm bored," she continued, after a moment of confused silence. "Let's just see who won, huh?"

Pulling open the envelope and tugging out a paper, she stared at it for a moment, brow furrowed, then shrugged. "The New Directions and the Warblers tie! You're going to nationals in New York!"

The moment the tie was announced, Kurt stared, shocked, over at his old team. Then he ran straight at them and jumped right into the middle. At that, both teams seemed pulled to one another, like magnets, and soon everyone was cheering and hugging and laughing.

It was perfect.

Of course, nothing could last forever, as Sue angrily spun the Lieutenant Governor's wife around and punched her right in the jaw, sending the woman tumbling backwards and literally knocking her out of her shoes.

**… …**

**-Saturday, Warblers' common room at the Dalton Boys Private Academy, 1:26 a.m.-**

"_There's a brand new dance, but I don't know its name, that people from bad homes do again and again. It's big and it's loud, full of tension and fear. They do it over there, but we don't do it here._"

"_Fashion!_"

"_Turn to the left!_"

"_Fashion!_"

"_Turn to the right!_"

"_We are the goon squad and we're coming to town, beep beep!_"

Thad was nearly passed out on the couch from snickering so hard. He didn't know whose idea it had been, but it really didn't matter, so long as Kurt, Rachel, Brittany and Blaine stayed up on that table performing the classic David Bowie song.

Kurt had, of course, been dragged up by his furniture-hopping boyfriend, otherwise he would still be sitting comfortably, snuggling with Mercedes on a nearby loveseat. Now, he and Rachel were going back and forth, while the other two danced in the background. Brittany looked amazing, even if she was also stripping as she went. Blaine looked drunk and extra dorky.

"_Listen to me!_"

"_Don't listen to me!_"

"_Talk with me!_"

"_Don't talk with me!_"

"_Dance with me!_"

"_Don't dance with me! Beep beep, beep beep, beep beep!_"

He knew they had been the ones to invite New Directions to join their party, but Thad still wasn't sure who exactly had brought the booze, and normally he would have protested as much as the next Warbler – especially considering how much trouble they could get into if caught. But the scary-looking guy with a Mohawk had handed him a cup and told him to let loose. Not that he was letting loose anywhere near as bad as some of the others, like, say Wes.

Ah yes, Wesley. The Warbler council president was currently partying like an 80's rocker. He also hadn't stopped hitting on the Latina gal, Santana was what Thad thought her name was, even though the girl had been in tears since her third drink. Thad was in Spanish II, and he still couldn't guarantee he understood everything Santana was rambling about in the language.

As soon as the current performance was over, Kurt carefully pulled his boyfriend back to the ground, before helping Rachel and Brittany down as well. (He had to fight off each of them, and their advances, so he could go back for the others.) From what Thad had observed, the countertenor had yet to have any alcohol, and the entirety of New Directions was –even in their drunken stupors- making sure no one so much as handed him a cup. Which appeared to make him the last sober person in the room.

Thad wanted to wonder about that, then was distracted as Nick and Jeff turned on a new song and began belting along.

"_Right now you are down and out, and feeling really crappy…_"

"I'll say."

"_And when I see how sad you are… it sort of makes me happy!_"

"Happy?"

"_Sorry, Nicky, human nature! Nothing I can do! It's Schadenfreude, making me feel glad that I'm not you!_"

The inappropriately hilarious song continued, and when they reached the bit about stairs, everyone in the entire room turned and shouted the words. If he had been in his right mind, Wes would have freaked out that they were being too loud. Instead, he screamed right along with them, then started giggling like a school girl while flinging his limbs around in what was probably supposed to be a dance.

Thad continued laughing, lying back and watching as the two teams interacted. They really had been brought together more by love of Kurt than anything. And now they were having a ball, everyone letting loose and enjoying themselves.

Eyes finally landing on the boy in question, he found the slim brunet smushed between Blaine and Brittany, both of whom were insistently and sleepily cuddling up to him. And the smile on the boy's face was everything anyone could ask for: he looked peaceful and safe.

He looked happy.

**... ...**

_a/n Songs used in this chapter:_

_Jesus is a Friend of Mine - Sonseed_

_Black Balloon - Goo Goo Dolls_

_She's Got the Look - Roxette_

_Get It Right - Glee_

_Loser Like Me - Glee_

_Fashion - David Bowie_

_Schadenfreude - Avenue Q_


	11. Chapter Nine

**Chapter Nine: Tenth Therapy Session**

"Yes, we'll be there…Lauren got Mercedes to demand _what now?_…Oh, Gaga. The idea of those two working in concert makes me want to shake in my Chukka boots. What about you?…Well, that will be interesting. I swear, Mr. Schuester's "lessons" get stranger all the time." The teen boy glanced at his wristwatch, though his attention was still mainly on the phone at his ear. Then he started chuckling. "Finn thought cucumbers could give you _what?_… I stand corrected, this newest lesson is, I suppose, _less_ weird than that one. I love Holly, I do, but with that group you never know what they'll pick up, and what they'll completely ignore…Listen I have to go, alright? I'll text you tonight…Love you too, Tee."

Just as he hung up, still shaking his head at his step-brother's stupidity, the office door opened. Mandy and the girl scheduled before Kurt stepped out and shared a quick hug, then the doctor smiled over at the boy.

"Come on in, Kurt."

**… …**

**Tenth Session with Kurt Hummel; Wednesday the 4th at 4:30 p.m.**

**MC: **So, care to tell me a little bit more about what happened at Regionals? The text you sent me was a bit short. All it said was "New York, here we all come". What exactly does that mean?

**KH:** It means that the Warblers and New Directions tied. Again.

**MC:** Again?

**KH:** We tied at Sectionals too. To tie twice is (pause) unbelievable, really. And I'm so grateful that I have the friends I do, because no one resented the tie. Instead, they were all excited to go to New York together.

**MC:** Together?

**KH:** Yes. We're trying to work out a way to fly on the same plane and stay in the same hotel while we're in New York for Nationals.

**MC:** How will you work that out?

**KH:** Rachel and Wes. They exchanged numbers at the party on Friday.

**MC:** Party?

**KH:** The Warblers had a party planned for after Regionals. It was either going to be a "we're going to New York" or a "better luck next year" party, depending on how we placed. When we tied, Was invited everyone from McKinley to come along to the party and stay at the dorms overnight. It was amazing how well everyone got along. Finn and Flint bonded over not being able to dance, they even sang a song about it. And Wes and Rachel got into a hilarious drunk fight over how many hours a day each individual performer should be expected to practice.

**MC:** So there was alcohol available?

**KH:** Yes, but I didn't have any. I've declared myself, to both teams, the official designated driver for basically the remainder of my life. Even while he was completely smashed, Puck still made sure no one gave me anything alcoholic. Apparently, he and the others are more than a little worried that getting me drunk would mean a repeat of the night I ended up in the river. I sang a lot, instead.

**MC:** Anything fun?

**KH:** Do you know the song "A Little Priest", from Sweeney Todd.

**MC:** (laughs) I do, if only the version from the Johnny Depp movie.

**KH:** (laughs) I can understand that. Even wearing that hideous wig, Johnny was still far better looking than any man has the right to be. Anyway, Rachel and I ended up singing it. According to Tina, it was "disturbingly awesome".

**MC:** What did your group end up singing for Regionals, by the way?

**KH:** "She's Got the Look", by Roxette. Nick and Jeff were determined to do at least one song by that group. It seems they're now addicted, seeing as they've been listening to almost nothing else for the past week. And I sang a duet with Blaine of "Black Balloon", by the Goo Goo Dolls. I still think we wouldn't have tied, except I also convinced the council that we should wear something besides our horrible school blazers. And there was more than a bit of actual dancing, not just the two-step swaying from before.

**MC:** Well, congratulations. How about New Directions? We didn't expect to tie?

**KH:** They performed original songs.

**MC:** What does that mean?

**KH:** It means they wrote the songs they performed. It was stunning. Rachel wrote and sang one of the sweetest, saddest songs I've ever heard. I asked her to make me a recording, which she was overjoyed to do, and have listened to it several times. It was pretty obvious she wrote it about Finn. It was also surprisingly introspective.

**MC:** How so?

**KH:** As I've said before, generally Rachel assumes that her every action and thought is the correct one. But this song was all about how she always seems to sabotage her relationship with Finn. She titled it "Get It Right". The other song they did (pause). Quinn told me they wrote it for me. Specifically. It was (pause), it was amazing. It reminded me of why I love them so much.

**MC:** How so?

**KH:** As I've said before, generally Rachel assumes that her every action and thought is the correct one. But this song was all about how she always seems to sabotage her relationship with Finn. She titled it "Get It Right". The other song they did (pause). Quinn told me they wrote it for me. Specifically. It was (pause), it was amazing. It reminded me of why I love them so much.

**MC:** What was it called?

**KH:** "Loser Like Me". (pause) Oh! But it wasn't (pause). I mean, that title sounds (pause) not so nice, if written for an individual. But the whole point of the song was that, even if we're perceived as losers now, someday we'll be the ones at the top, and all the people who treated us badly and called us losers will regret the way they treated us. They actually used used a few of the lines I would routinely toss at the bullies when they would throw me in the dumpster. (laughs)

**MC:** Like what?

**KH:** Like that they would all work for me one day, or would end up having to wash my car as part of their menial careers. (laughs)

**MC:** (laughs) Sharp.

**KH:** I've been known to have a way with words. (pause) The song, though. (pause) It was like the best gift I could have received. Besides, you know, sharing a duet with Blaine for a competition.

**MC:** How is Blaine?

**KH:** He's good. He was just as hesitant as the council about changing things, at first, and about giving up his spot as frontman. But he decided it would be worth it, to see the Warblers performing together the way we did. He even pointed out just after we finished at Regionals that it felt a lot more like New Directions. Like we were becoming a family, instead of just a club.

**MC:** And how's the rest of your week gone?

**KH:** I (pause) don't really know. (laughs) To tell you the truth, I've been over the moon about this tie to the point that I haven't been paying attention to anything else. Subjectively, for instance, I know I had an exam in French yesterday, and I know that I aced it. But I couldn't actually tell you what it was on.

**MC:** When is the trip to New York?

**KH:** It's in another month and a half. And before that, Dalton and McKinley both have prom. Another collaborative effort of Wes and Rachel is for each group to perform at the other's prom, as practice for Nationals.

**MC:** Are you and Blaine planning to go, maybe you could ask him?

**KH:** I (pause), I don't know. He hasn't asked me yet.

**MC:** Well, if you want to go, maybe you could ask him?

**KH:** Oh my Gucci, you're right. We're both boys, so why shouldn't I be able to ask him to a dance?

**MC:** Anything else scheduled between now and New York?

**KH:** Well, New Directions still has to raise the money to go, and four of the members are also in the McKinley's Braniac team and need to pay their way to those finals in Detroit. They're making plans for a benefit concert, called the "Night of Neglect".

**MC:** That sounds (pause) a little distressing, actually.

**KH:** I know. That's mostly because Mr. Schuester was the one who decided on the name. Really, all it means is that they're performing song that have been neglected or are lesser known, or from an underrated artist. For instance, Tina told me she's planning on a song by Lykke Li.

**MC:** Lykke (pause) who?

**KH:** The only reason I even know who she is, is because Tina has been her fan for a while. As for the concert, I'm going with Blaine, and I think the rest of the Warblers might insist on coming along just to crash our date. It should be fun.

**MC:** Will it be your first time back at McKinley since you transferred?

**KH:** I (pause) suppose it will. And I know I should be worried, but I'm just too excited about life. I'm hopeful, for once. Not to mention there is no way any of the jocks would be at the school that late, particularly for a concert put on by the glee club. (laughs)

**… …**

Wandering the halls of McKinley during the break of the benefit concert, Kurt was surprised when he found himself remembering.

What was particularly shocking was _which_ memories came back to him. Each one was good. Memories of silly conversations and absurd outfits and sharing gossip with friends. As much as the school should have been a place were he was constantly shadowed by old fears and torments, it was secondary when he thought of Mercedes' boisterous laugh, or Brittany's odd witticisms, or Tina's sweet smile. Santana's biting comments, Puck's badass swaggering, Artie's geeky comparisons, Quinn's soft touch, Finn's oblivious kindness, Rachel's long rants, Mike's smooth movements, Sam's subtle flirting, Becky's goodhearted cruelties, Mr. Schuester's odd excitement, Ms. Pillsbury's careful watching, Sue's evil plans, Coach Beiste's awkward friendliness…

_These_ were the parts of McKinley he remembered most vividly. Not the slushies or the dumpster tosses. Not the harassment or the locker slams or the cruel words. His memories were of the times spent with those most dear to him. And as he considered, it occurred to him that, if he had a way to feel safer here, he would transfer back to be with those people in a second.

Then Blaine's fingers slipped between his, and the old scenes stopped.

He turned to his boyfriend and raised an eyebrow. "What is it?"

The curly-haired boy just smiled. "Thought I lost you there for a minute."

"Sorry," he blushed. "It's been a while since I've been in the school."

"Ah." Blaine's eyes were understanding, but Kurt knew that the Warbler didn't truly know. He most likely assumed Kurt was thinking of the bad things that had happened here, instead of the good.

Either way, a soft kiss was brushed across the countertenor's cheek, and the other teen tugged on his hand."We should get back to the auditorium."

"Right."

**… …**

**_Realization: I miss McKinley. Not the bullying, the people. I miss the crazy way everything happened and I miss seeing the New Directions every day._**


	12. Chapter Ten

**Chapter Ten - Eleventh Session**

**-Friday, text received at 5:37 p.m.-**

**Text from Brittany S. Pierce to Kurt Hummel**

wil u b on mi sho?

**-Friday, text received at 5:39 p.m.-**

**Text from Kurt Hummel to Santana Lopez**

Are you at Brittany's?

**-Friday, text received at 5:40 p.m.-**

**Text from Santana Lopez to Kurt Hummel**

y. why?

**-Friday, text received at 5:41 p.m.-**

**Text from Kurt Hummel to Santana Lopez**

Would you please steal Britt's phone and tell me what she meant by the last text she sent me?

**-Friday, text received 5:43 p.m.-**

**Text from Santana Lopez to Kurt Hummel**

k. gimme a few.

**-Friday, text received at 5:58 p.m.-**

**Text from Santana Lopez to Kurt Hummel**

she wants u to b on her web show *fondue for 2*.

**-Friday, text received at 6:01 p.m.-**

**Text from Kurt Hummel to Santana Lopez**

Brittany has a web show? Since when?

**-Friday, text received at 6:05 p.m.-**

**Text from Santana Lopez to Kurt Hummel**

who cares rainbow? just say y!

**-Friday, text received at 6:09 p.m.-**

**Text from Kurt Hummel to Brittany S. Pierce**

I would love to be on your show, boo. How about when I come home next weekend? We can even have a sleepover, if you want.

**-Friday, text received at 6:14 p.m.-**

**Text from Brittany S. Pierce to Kurt Hummel**

yaaaaaaaaaaaaa! c u thn!

**-Friday, text received at 6:22 p.m.-**

**Text from Santana Lopez to Kurt Hummel**

dunno wut u said to britters but she's dancing around her room.

**-Friday, text received at 6:25 p.m.-**

**Text from Kurt Hummel to Santana Lopez**

*griiiiin*

"What's going on?"

The voice drew Kurt's attention away from his phone and he raised an eyebrow. "Did you know that Brittany has some kind of web show?"

Quinn nodded. "Sure. Fondue for Two, or something. Why?"

"She wants me to be a guest."

That got the blonde girl giggling.

"What?" the slim boy demanded.

"Just… don't eat any of the fondue. Mercedes was on the show last week, and she said at the end of the episode, Britt let Lord Tubbington eat everything that was left in the fondue pot," she explained.

Kurt flinched, than shook his head. "That girl…"

"Who are we talking about?" Blaine asked, plopping down on the floor beside the two.

"Someone named Brittany," Andrew answered, chewing on the end of his pencil and staring intently at his textbook. "Also, I hate you."

Blaine reared back in mock hurt, as they had had this conversation before. "Why, whatever do you mean, good sir?"

Pausing in his studying, the other Warbler looked up to glare at Blaine. "Mr. Trent goes so much easier on the Spanish class!"

The curly-haired boy grinned. "It's only because Spanish is the better language."

That had both Quinn and Kurt turning identical looks of disdain on him. Then they glanced at each other and began speaking entirely in French.

"_Pourquoi exactement avez-vous choisi un petit ami qui n'est pas conscient du fait que le français est la langue supérieure?_" (Why exactly did you choose a boyfriend who is not aware that French is the superior language?)

"_Je n'étais pas conscient de ce problème avant que nous sommes devenus un couple_." (I was not aware of this problem before we became a couple.)

"What?" Blaine demanded of the other boys in the room. "What are they saying?"

"_Et maintenant, qu'allez-vous faire pour corriger cela?_" (And now what will you do to fix this?)

"_Céline_." (Celine.)

"_Que voulez-vous dire?_" (What do you mean?)

"_Jeff et Nick a trouvé un enregistrement de la performance Cheerios national l'an dernier, mais autant que je sache, ils ne l'a jamais montré à Blaine._" (Jeff and Nick found a recording of the Cheerios national performance last year, but as far as I know, they never showed it to Blaine.)

At the sound of his name, Blaine became even more determined to know what they were talking about and ran off to find David, the only other student at Dalton almost as fluent as Kurt.

"_Oh, ça va fonctionner._" (Oh, that will work.)

Then their conversation was abruptly broken into. "_Je déteste vous deux, aussi._" (I hate both of you, too.)

Quinn and Kurt both smirked at Andrew's words.

"_Haineux allant à la haine_," was Kurt's smug reply. (Haters gonna hate.)

By the time Blaine returned, David in tow, Kurt was going over Quinn's finished homework for errors. "You know, we could probably have done this over Skype," he finally spoke, before pronouncing her papers perfect. "After all, I can't drive you home tonight, since I'm staying over."

The girl shrugged. "I miss seeing you in person. This was just an excuse."

Kurt paused momentarily, than smiled, a blush creeping up his cheeks. "I miss you, too."

They clasped each other's hands, before they both turned on Blaine. "When is the food arriving?"

The boy had settled back down on the floor, pouting at having missed the rest of their French conversation. At their words, he bolted to his feet. "Holy crap, the guy's probably already here and totally lost!"

The ex-Cheerios both sighed in fond exasperation at Blaine's overreaction. Standing, they each linked an arm through his and began guiding him out of the room and down the halls. He considered protesting, then grinned and gladly took the lead.

When they reached the front entrance, a boy in a red and white striped shirt and matching hat was standing outside, rereading the order to double check the location.

Pulling open the door, Blaine smiled. "Sorry if you've been waiting. I completely forgot we'd ordered pizza."

"No problem, man," the male answered, his voice familiar, not even looking up as he verified the order. "It's $35.75, all together. Three large pizzas with everything, right?"

"Pizza? You couldn't order sandwiches or a salad, something healthy?" "We request dinner and you order enough pizza to feed an army?" The two voices rang out from behind the shorter boy, and the delivery man jerked his head up. "Kurt? Blaine? _Quinn?_"

All three blinked. "Sam?"

**… …**

**Eleventh Session with Kurt Hummel; Wednesday the 8th at 4:30 p.m.**

**MC: **How was your week?

**KH:** Dramatic. Pathetically so, in fact.

**MC:** Why? What happened?

**KH:** Gossip at McKinley got out of control. Sam's family has been having a hard time lately. His dad lost the job they moved out here for, and Sam took some part-time jobs to make end's meat. He dropped off a pizza at Dalton. But he asked that we not tell anyone. I know he doesn't have much because they've had to sell things, so I gave him some of my old clothes. Rachel noticed him wearing a jacket that used to be mine and freaked out. She actually followed him back to the motel his family is staying at, but was only around long enough to see me show up and hug Sam. As if that weren't enough, she dragged Finn into the paranoia as well, since he's still angry that Quinn dumped him, and she was aware of what's going on with both me and Quinn. (pause) Sometimes I wonder why any of us put up with each other, the way we act.

**MC:** How did you find out?

**KH:** About all the gossip, you mean? (pause) Rachel called to chew me out for cheating on Blaine. I came pretty close to reaching through the phone and ripping out her vocal chords. Then I asked Sam when I went by the apartment that night. It was my turn to babysit Stevie and Stacy, his younger siblings, while he and his parents were all at work.

**MC:** How are they dealing with everything?

**KH:** With more grace than I would. They all have to share a single room, and all of their remaining possessions are crammed in there with them. Of course, for now Stacy and Stevie think of it as an adventure. I've been trying to keep them distracted from the reality.

**MC:** How?

**KH:** Playing games, singing songs, reading stories. All the cliché things. I actually brought them home on Monday and they helped me make dinner for their family. I was tempted to just keep them, truth be told. (laughs)

**MC:** Is the gossip affecting your interactions with them?

**KH:** Besides what I already said about Rachel, and that Finn has gotten behind her act and keeps giving me sad puppy dog eyes while asking why I would want to hurt an awesome guy like Blaine, not really. If anything, I think my relationships with Sam and Quinn and Blaine are stronger than ever.

**MC:** So Blaine knows what's really going on?

**KH:** He was the one who ordered the pizza Sam brought to Dalton. He knows they don't want charity, and that seems to be killing him a little, since his family is loaded and never use the money for anything worthwhile. It's actually adorable, how he keeps slipping me little treats and toys and books for the kids. They told me that Sam pawned his guitar, so I went out with them and bought it. Technically, the dealer was supposed to keep the guitar for so many days before selling it, but Sam is getting that instrument back either way, so I won't whine.

**MC:** How old are Stevie and Stacy?

**KH:** Stacy is six and Stevie is eight. They're both pretty stereotypical kids. Stacy loves Disney and wants to be a princess. I taught her how to braid her hair last week and she was over the moon. Stevie, on the other hand, wants to be a rock star "like Sammy", he said. I've been teaching him how to read music and Sam always sings with him. It's silly, but they started calling me their "fairy god-dude". (laughs) Apparently, Stacy wished on a star one night that Sam would have someone to help him, and the next day I brought them clothes and a meal and promised Sam I would help in any way he needed. And since I keep coming back, they seem to believe I'm magic.

**MC:** That's a lot to live up to.

**KH:** True. But I want to prove that I'm worthy of the faith and trust those two put in me. I want to be Sam's friend. I've spent a lot of time as a martyr, of sorts, taking punishment for something that didn't deserve it. Now I'd like to try to go beyond that. To not just be an easy target, but to also be able to make a difference. Does that make sense?

**MC:** Yes. It's an admirable choice.

**KH:** Thank you. I suppose you could say I'm empowering myself. And it feels wonderful.

**MC:** I'm glad.

**… …**

Kurt and Blaine sat on a park bench, each holding a coffee as they watched the two blonde children running around on the plastic playground equipment.

"Blaine…" He wasn't sure how to ask. Should it be more elaborate? Would Blaine rather be asked via song, an action that he seemed to be partial to? Or, on the other hand, should it be casual, like a note? Or text?

Finally, he brought his inner anxiety under control and turned to realize Blaine was watching him with a small smile.

"What?" Kurt demanded.

Blaine laughed. "I can practically hear the gears and levers in your head from how hard you were thinking. If you want to say something, just say it," he assured the taller boy, reaching out to take Kurt's slim hand in his own.

Breathing out slowly, the countertenor nodded. "Alright. Would you go to the Dalton Prom with me?"

When the other boy froze, Kurt felt the panic tighten his throat and chest.

As a matching expression to Blaine's covered Kurt's face, the other boy snapped out of it and pulled Kurt to press a strong kiss against his lips. "No, Kurt, don't think…_ God_, no, it's not about you, it's just-"

Swallowing hard, the pale boy forced a smile, turning sharply towards the kids. "It's okay, Blaine. It's no big deal."

"No!" Blaine caught Kurt's chin and forcing him to look back over. "Kurt, I would _love_ to go to Prom with you. I… The memories kind of paralyzed me for a second, though."

"Memories?"

The hand retreated and Blaine stared listlessly down at his lap. "Yeah. The last time I went to school dance was… just before I transferred. I asked a friend of mine to go to Sadie Hawkins with me, and he said yes. He was straight, but he wanted to support me, since I had come out a few months earlier." Shaking his head slowly, the shorter male clenched his jaw and his hands curled into fists. "They grabbed us when we were in the parking lot. Beat the crap out of me, and they… they broke Tim's fingers. He was the one who taught me guitar… It took almost a _year_ of physical therapy before he could play again."

When he glanced hesitantly up at his boyfriend, Kurt's eyes were filling with sympathetic tears. "Blaine, I am so sorry. We really don't have to go if you're worried or uncomfortable."

"No," he shook his head harshly, before leaning in and blushing. "I _want_ to go to Prom with you, Kurt. I don't want what a bunch of homophobes did to ruin a chance to spend a perfect night with you. What happened… it's not like it's just going to go away. But I think… I think I need to replace those memories with something _better_. And I'd like to do that with you."

Kurt's answering smile was wide and bright, and when Stevie and Stacy finally rejoined them, Stevie rolled his eyes and Stacy giggled to see them holding hands and cuddling on the bench.

**… …**

**_Realization: For most of my life, I've never acted, only _reacted_. But I'm starting to change that. I want to take control of my own life, rather than leaving it to others._**


	13. Chapter Eleven Part 1

**Chapter Eleven - Final Chapter, part 1**

In the days leading up to the McKinley Prom, Wes fell back into his old role as Warbler Dictator, adding half a dozen extra practices over a single week. Kurt, meanwhile, was being rushed back and forth between his Dalton friends and his New Direction friends, particularly the glee girls. After all, they needed their best gays help finding the perfect outfits.

They had gone on a shopping spree and everyone ended up satisfied. For most, it had been as simple as finding the right gown in a flattering color. He found a flattering gown for Lauren in dark blue, causing her face to split into the widest grin he had ever seen her wear. Santana's dress was a sexy red number, and had led to him happily referring to her as "Satan in Satin". Brittany asked him to make a hat to go with her pale green outfit, leading to a miniature top hat that the blonde was over the moon about. Tina's dress was toned down from her usual style, but still fit her personality. Quinn's was a lovely, light blue classic that made her look like a glamorous star out of a 1920's film. And Becky, who had come along on the outing after she snagged a cute freshman for her date, was in a princess gown in white with red accents. She said the colors were lucky for her, and that Coach Sylvester had approved.

On the other hand, two of his girls had decided to go a little less expensive. Mercedes had invited Sam to what she was calling a "Prom on a budget". Rachel and Finn (who were, momentarily at least, back together) decided to join them. Their rule for the date was that each person would put in $10 towards outfits and dinner, then walk to the school. With the help of Kurt (and his trade-in credits at one of the stores he routinely sold his no-longer-in-style-but-still-expensive designer clothes to), he found the perfect outfits for all four, while still leaving them enough money for a buffet special dinner at Breadstix. (Mercedes in a strong, form-fitting dark pink dress, and Rachel in a more reserved, delicate blush-colored gown. The boys' outfits had been even easier to put together. Sam in a basic black suit, white button up and a black bolo tie, while Finn simply pulled out and allowed Kurt to lint roll and iron the tux from their parents' wedding.)

As for himself, he was spending the spare time preparing for his own fashion statement for the Dalton Prom. In an effort to stand out, and as an homage to one of his most loved iconic designers who had recently passed away (the late Alexander McQueen), he had drawn up, measured out and was now sewing a one-of-a-kind kilt to pair with a suit by said designer.

Then it was time, and the McKinley Prom was that night.

**-Friday, the gym of William McKinley Public High School, 7:04 p.m.-**

When the Warblers arrived at the school, they all stood around, confused on the front steps.

Rolling his eyes, Kurt grabbed Blaine's hand and dragged him past the frozen guys, who slowly shook themselves loose and followed the two through the doors.

On entering the gym, even Kurt had to stop and stare.

The ceiling was decorated with strings of Christmas lights in multiple colors draped in between streams of crepe paper, and a disco ball hanging in the center of the ceiling. All the walls were hidden behind curtains, also covered in bulb lights, metallic cut-out stars. Balloon bouquets were anchored at each table around the edges of the dance floor.

It was like every silly prom movie made flesh.

Kurt was jolted out of his stupor as he realized a familiar, tracksuit-clad woman was charging straight towards him. Instead of flinching, as the rest of the Warblers had done, he stepped forward with a smile. "Hello, Coach."

"Sweet Porcelain," she acknowledged him. "Tell your harem of gay birds to keep away from the punch bowl, or they can share the fate of my grandmother and drown in it."

As though this was exactly what he expected, Kurt simply nodded. "Of course, Coach." Then he led the Warblers past the blonde and completely unreasonable force of nature that was the Cheerios' coach and onto the stage.

Turning back to face them, he took in their anxious expressions and laughed. "Don't worry. Just remember not show fear, or they'll pounce. Really, you'll be fine. Also, don't forget that we _will_ be using musical backing, or they might riot."

Swallowing, Wes finally pulled himself back together and moved forward. "Warm ups, guys."

"Right," they all murmured, straightening the basic black suits which Kurt had insisted on. In his book, just about anything that could make them stand out was basically asking for them to be tossed in the nearest dumpster, one after another, on the way out of the dance. And he would really prefer they never shared that experience with him.

**… …**

The dance was going wonderfully. They had started out with a rendition of "Love You Like a Love Song". At the end of the song, Kurt had smiled widely when Brittany ran up to the stage and yelled "Best! Prom! Ever!"

A quick performance of "Rolling in the Deep" for the couples, and then they were back to the fun, upbeat songs.

Blaine took center stage, dancing around, basically waltzing with the microphone stand as he belted out "I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You". It wasn't a song Kurt had been familiar with a week ago, but now he was a little in love with it. Mainly because of Blaine, and his insistence of changing the words to make it gender neutral, just so he could keep glancing back at Kurt between each line and wink or smile.

"_You are the one that I been dreamin' of, ever since I was little. You are the one that I been dreamin' of, ever since I was little._

"_One- I'm bitin' my tongue. Two- He's kissin' on you. Three- Oh, why can't you see?_

"_One, two, three, four!_

"_The word's on the streets and it's on the news. I'm not gonna teach him how to dance with you! He's got two left feet and he bites my moves. I'm not gonna teach him how to- Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh. Dance! Dance! Dance! Dance!_

"_The second I do, I know we're gonna be through. I'm not gonna teach him how to dance with you! He don't suspect a thing, I wish he'd get a clue! I'm not gonna teach him how to- Dance! Dance! Dance! Dance! Dance with you!_"

Disregarding all of Kurt's previous warnings to "not make a spectacle of the gay", Blaine pointed straight at his boyfriend during the last part of the chorus, bumping his hip against the taller male's.

And Kurt knew he should be worried, but instead he just grinned, kept singing and bumped back.

It was another eight songs, covers of Britney Spears and J. Lo, P!nk and Katy Perry, The Script and Maroon 5, before Figgins asked the Warblers to take seats at the nearest tables.

Stepping up to tap on the microphone a few times, he finally began to speak.

"Attention, students. Attention. Will the candidates for king and queen gather on the stage?"

Kurt was so proud of all three of his girls currently walking up. Quinn and Santana had both chosen to buck the stereotype by running alone, and Lauren had somehow roped Noah into being her campaign partner. (Something which had apparently gotten Artie in quite a bit of trouble, as it looked like Noah had attempted to distract Sue so Artie could add something to the punch. The coach had wheeled out the handicapped boy, probably for an interrogation, and neither had yet returned.)

Whichever girl won, Kurt would be satisfied. They all deserved the recognition.

"The votes are in," Figgins continued. "This is the moment you've all been waiting for where we announce our junior prom king and also prom queen." Glancing back at the band members still onstage, he asked, "Roll the drum, please.

"Both king and queen were elected, I've been told, thanks to an overwhelming amount of write-in voting. And this year's junior prom queen is… Kurt Hummel."

The boy in question stood frozen at the back of the room. Tears started to fill his eyes, but he rolled back his shoulders despite the looks people were now throwing him and stood strong. He wasn't even a student here, anymore! He didn't have to accept the crown or the title if he didn't want to.

Figgins stared out at him for a moment, his normal oblivious smile a direct contrast to the vindictive twinkle in his eyes. When Kurt didn't so much as move, the principal waited another moment, then turned his attention back to the tally card he held.

"And now your 2011 McKinley High prom king is… David Karofsky!"

That was the moment the majority of the audience began to clap and cheer loudly.

Kurt was running before he could think, out the door, down one hall after another, until he reached the choir room. Collapsing into a chair, he curled his limbs around himself and let the sobs shake his slim body.

"-urt! _Kurt!_"

He flinched when someone flew through the door and into the room. Then a familiar voice, tinged with pure rage, demanded, as the person sat in the chair beside him, "What the _hell_ was that man thinking? He's already been sued over this once. Does he really think he'll get away with this?"

Kurt reached out blindly, collapsing into his boyfriend's open arms and quietly whispered, "He's only been sued once. On the other hand, he's gotten away with things like this even longer. He must assume there won't be any backlash."

"Well he's wrong," Blaine barked, pulling the countertenor closer. "To not just announce the runner up, on _either_ vote, when it was clearly being done to mock everything you've gone through… That man is going to get himself lynched by the media."

Kurt sighed. "Maybe it's not worth it."

That made the shorter boy sit back a bit. "Why not? Don't you want him to see that he can't get away with this kind of garbage?"

"Yes," he sniffled. "But I don't want to always be the victim."

"Kurt." When the brunet male refused to meet his gaze, Blaine cupped his cheeks in warm hands and turned his face up. "Listen to me, Kurt. You are the strongest person I know. And every time I sent you a text that said "courage", it felt more and more redundant, because you are the most courageous person I think I'll _ever_ know. Even if some people see you as the victim, you and I know that you are always going to be so much more than that. You're amazing, and I am completely head-over-heels in love with you. They can't touch us, Kurt, because we are more than they will ever be."

Blaine brushed away the tear tracks that ran over the pale skin, than softly kissed the taller boy. Kurt only paused for a moment before returning the kiss, passion in the press of their mouths. When he pushed harder, his tongue slipping to trace the seam between Blaine's lips, the other boy happily parted them, leaning closer, and they fell into a spine-tinglingly perfect rhythm.

Finally, pulling back, panting a little, Kurt smiled, expression joyous and determined. "They can't touch us," he repeated, then stood, catching his boyfriend's hand. "Come on."

"Where are we going?"

Throwing a confident wink over his shoulder, Blaine recognized the fearless Kurt his boyfriend had recently grown into. With a little giggle, Kurt answered, "To receive my crown, of course."

Now it was the other boy unable to move for a moment, before he grinned back. "Well than, let's go."

**… …**

After the prom "queen" had exited the room in haste, and his dapper man had gone after him, the room descended into pandemonium.

The Warblers all headed straight for the principal, en masse, and began demanding to know what he thought he was doing and to be prepared for a series of harassment lawsuits, for which they would all testify. That knocked Figgins out of his "secretly" pleased cruelty, as he, in turn, tried to protest that he had to announce whoever the students elected.

Santana and Quinn both aimed straight at the Cheerio who they knew had taken charge after they left the squad. They had heard her speak badly of Kurt often enough, before they and Coach Sylvester had ordered her quite pointedly to stop. There had still been grumbles, and she had slushied Kurt in the past. Descending on the female in tandem, both Gleerios went right at her, cutting her down with harsh words. Then Santana grabbed for the chick's hair, and the girl slapped Quinn full in the face, and Quinn quit trying to hold Santana back.

Puck, up on the stage, and Finn, down in the crowd, shared a single look before diving at Azimio, who had to be behind it. He had made a point to consistently tell anyone who would listen that "the little fag" had been "perving on my man, Karofsky" and that Karofsky must have turned him down, so Kurt had set him up. The Glocks' attack was a surprise, but it didn't last long, as a few of the other football players jumped in, followed by Mike, Sam and Lauren trying to hold them back so the two boys could beat the ever-loving shit out of Karofsky's friend.

Tina and Mercedes both pulled Brittany out of the way as the blonde began sobbing and demanding to know how anyone could be "so mean" to her best dolphin.

Rachel was already on the phone with her fathers, practically shrieking what had just happened and demanding they prepare a lawsuit, and get hold of Jacob ben-Israel's tapes of the evening.

Miss Pillsbury was huddled back against a wall, watching everything in shock, while Mr. Schue tried to get to the center of the room and break up the fight. Coach Beiste, returning from a trip to the bathroom, joined the Spanish teacher in attempting to quell what was quickly turning into a free-for-all.

Sue re-entered the room, Artie in tow, and stared in annoyance, shouting for Becky and demanding to know what was going on. The girl quickly came to her side, abandoning her date, and explained as well as she could. Artie's face went white, than red, and he shouted before rolling straight at the fight. Sue, on the other hand, was tempted to let the Gleeks continue in their individual sprees of destructive rage, since they appeared to have the upper hand in all the fights in which they were involved. Then she heard a polite cough behind her, and spun to find herself facing an exceptionally pale and red-eyed Kurt, hand-in-hand with the dancing hobbit.

She only just resisted the urge to interrogate him regarding his wellbeing, but he seemed to know exactly what she couldn't actually say, as it would ruin her image. Shrugging, he said, "I'm alright, Coach." Then he nodded back at the room of shoving, screaming, fighting and terrified students."Would you-?"

A quick, angry nod, then she was marching straight for the stage, and yelled into the microphone, "SHUT UP OR I'LL SELL EVERYONE HERE ON THE BLACK MARKET FOR ILLEGAL ORGAN TRANSPLANTS!"

The speed at which silence filled the room was alarming. Glaring around, Sue continued, tone sharp enough to cut, "Porcelain has got something to say, and you had all better zip your lips and listen, or I won't just use you for organ transplants, I'll steal a bear to maul you while you're recovering between your kidney and your lungs being ripped out."

The only people who laughed were Becky and Kurt. As the gym realized that the countertenor had returned, Brittany stumbled across the room to fall into the boy's arms. He kissed her softly on the cheek, whispering something, than handed her over to Blaine and strode confidently up to the front. Stepping onto the stage, he turned to the crowd. "Thank you for your votes." Another nod to Sue, and she was grabbing the crown and scepter off the table, handing both to the brunet. Carefully perching the coronet on his head, he grinned and announced, "Eat your heart out, Kate Middleton."

Blaine was the first to applaud.

Ignoring Figgins all together, he turned to the band. "I believe a dance is traditional." They nodded, while everyone stared. Speaking into the mic again, his tone was smooth and calm. "And since your elected king is… otherwise occupied in the nearest prison for the next six to eight years, I'll pick who the new king is. After all, you _did_ make me royalty." The disbelief at his words was palpable, but no one protested, when Kurt beckoned up his boyfriend.

Blaine hugged Brittany, then disentangled himself from her grip and walked, smiling widely, forward to join the taller boy. Sue gleefully handed over the crown and scepter, before Blaine settled the gaudy plastic monstrosity on his own head, and they stepped down to take the waltz position. The music began and they danced, unimpeded, for the full 3 minutes and 50 seconds of "Dancing Queen". As the song ended, Kurt moved back onto the stage, alone, and faced the crowd. "I'd like to perform a little song, if the Warblers will allow it, since it's not one we practiced." He raised an eyebrow at the protective group, who all nodded, caught up in the craziness. Eyes scanning the audience, Kurt continued, "And I'll need Tina and Brittany to help, if that's all right with you girls."

Moments later they had hurried up to the stage, both giving him strong hugs and Brittany returned his earlier kiss, this one square on the lips. They held a short, whispered conversation, before Tina shared with the band, who all looked intrigued.

Then they took their spots, Kurt dead center and the other two behind him.

"_Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh._" Tina and Brittany's echoing backup struck the best possible sound, as always, while Kurt smiled tightly out at the audience.

"_Keep drinking coffee, stare me down across the table while I look outside. So many things I'd say if only I were able, but I just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by_."

The next few lines were sharp, almost condescending in their execution.

"_You've got opinions, babe. We're all entitled to them, but I never asked. So let me thank you for your time and try not to waste anymore of mine. Get out of here fast._

"_I hate to break it to you, babe, but I'm not drowning. There's no one here to save._" The last word was punctuated by air quotes, mocking the religious connotation.

Then they reached the chorus, and while Brittany and Tina clapped to the beat, Kurt simply lifted his chin and stared down his nose at the assemblage, sneering, one hand propped confidently on a hip.

"_Who cares if you disagree? You are not me. Who made you king of anything? So you dare tell me who to be! Who died, and made you king of anything?_

"_Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh._"

Kurt tilted his head to the side, and the way he watched everyone made them feel embarrassed and ashamed.

"_You sound so innocent, all full of good intent. You swear you know best. But you expect me to jump up on board with you, and ride off into your delusional sunset._

"_I'm not the one who's lost with no direction, o-oh_." Here, he glared straight at the group of jocks, who, once they were able to escape their Glee attackers, had crowded near the punch bowl. "_But you won't ever see. You're so busy making maps with my name on them in all caps. You've got the talking down, just not the listening_."

This time, as the repetitive part came, Kurt joined the clapping, his sudden smile causing the listeners to flinch. They had seen his Ice Queen smirk before, but this one was more worthy of Santana than Kurt. It made them picture an attacking cougar, with sharp ivory teeth gleefully tearing into the throat of its prey.

"_And who cares if you disagree? You are not me. Who made you king of anything? So dare tell me who to be! Who died, and made you king of anything?_"

Looking down, he twisted his hands together, closed his eyes and let the pain fill his voice.

"_All my life I've tried to make everybody happy, while I just hurt and hide waiting for someone to tell me it's my turn to decide._

"_Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh._"

Then those exceptionally colored eyes were wide open again, and now he wasn't even looking at the crowd. His gaze was fixed beyond them, beyond the moment, and the words became a dare to those in the future who would try to stop him.

"_Who cares if you disagree? You are not me. Who made you king of anything? So you dare tell me who to be! Who died, and made you king of anything?_

"_Oh, who cares if you disagree? You are not me. Who made you king of anything? So you dare tell me who to be! Who died, and made you king of anything?_

"_Let me hold your crown, babe._"

At this, he tapped the crown they had been so kind as to award him, raising an eyebrow, turning around everything the voters had meant with the "honor", forcing them to acknowledge that they had willingly put him in a position of authority and attention.

"_Oh, oh. Ooo-ooh._"

Winking, he turned to stroll over to his boyfriend and happily kissed him in front of everyone.


	14. Chapter Eleven Part 2

**Chapter Eleven - Final Chapter, part 2**

This time, it should have been Kurt's turn for a day of pampering to prepare for the dance. Unfortunately, there was a last minute issue with the dessert caterers, and his study partner for Chem had roped Kurt into baking. (The fashionable boy had once thanked Tony in the form of a plate of miniature gourmet cupcakes, and Tony was now addicted to Kurt's cooking. It wasn't unusual to find the male hanging around their dorm's kitchen in hopes Kurt would be in. And since he had been in charge of hiring people for the dinner and dessert, and the pastry chefs had backed out…)

The countertenor was grateful for the opportunity, at first. After all, he probably would have spent at least part of the day stress-baking anyway. This way, he came away feeling more calm and with the money in his pocket that had been set aside for the original chefs.

But when he finished off the last of the cupcakes and pies, he glanced up at the clock and discovered he had less than two hours to get ready. Panicking, he had stumbled out of the kitchen, covered in flour, sugar and cocoa powder, running for the Warbler common room. He knew that one car load of the McKinley glee club had already arrived and would probably have been ensconced there. Bursting in, he caused everyone inside to flinch. When Finn started laughing, Kurt glared, then growled out, "Shut up right now, brother dearest, or I'll never cook you anything ever again." Finn choked and literally reached up to cover his own mouth, eyes wide with panic. Nodding dismissively, Kurt scanned the room a little frantically. Before he even had time to call for them, the two he needed were at his sides. Quinn gingerly grabbed his right arm, Mercedes his left, and they all headed quickly towards the dorm rooms. Moments like that, Kurt missed having his girls close enough that they could just come over to his house to plan an outfit, or watch a movie, or talk.

**… …**

Kurt stood at the top of the familiar stairway, momentarily distracted as he checked his hair one final time. Then Blaine began moving up the steps to meet him. As their eyes met and locked, he felt his heart flutter in his chest. Kurt knew exactly why Blaine had asked to meet him here, as déjà vu swept over him and he remembered calling out to ask where everyone was going.

_The stranger had turned around and Kurt had been shocked at the kindness in the boy's hazel eyes. The words about the glee club being popular were a surprise, but then the boy was taking his hand and running with him through the halls. Kurt had come across a reference to the anti-bullying policy on the school's website when he went searching to see what their uniforms looked like. Up until that moment, when the few people they passed just laughed and smiled, he hadn't believed it. Then he was being drawn into a room, and the boy -Blaine, his name was Blaine- was teasing him, but there was nothing mean in his words or expression, just friendly curiosity. And when he started singing, Kurt felt like a weight had lifted off his chest, one that had been there so long it wasn't almost suffocating to suddenly be able to breathe so easily. Every grin and lyric sent his way made him melt a little, inside. He tried to fight it. Everything with Finn, from the argument in his bedroom before Burt kicked him out, to the way he had convinced Kurt not to sing with Sam, to when he and the other boys had blown the slim male off the day before, was still recent. He couldn't afford to fall for another straight guy. His heart couldn't afford it. But Blaine was singing a love song. To Kurt. And in that moment, hope forced its way into his thoughts and emotions. And it made Kurt glow, just a little._

An enormous grin stretched across Blaine's face as he watched Kurt stop still on the stairs and smile, the slightest blush staining his porcelain cheeks.

_When someone had spoken behind him, Blaine turned around and was struck momentarily speechless. The boy was stunning. And his eyes… God, Blaine wasn't even sure. One moment they had looked light blue, the next they were darkening to a pale grey. Blinking, pulling himself together and hoping this unfamiliar male hadn't noticed his reaction, he smiled and explained what was going on. As he looked over the boy, Kurt he said, a little more closely, he noticed the lack of blazer. Not a student, then. Blaine didn't have a clue why he had decided to sneak into a boys private school, but at the moment he didn't care. While he mentioned the performance, Blaine took a chance and caught one of those long-fingered hands in his own. It was a little forward, but guiding him through the halls was just an excuse to touch him, to connect their hands. Likewise, he couldn't help flirting just a bit, before joining the rest of the Warblers. The singing started, and as he focused his attention on Kurt, he nearly lost his breath in the second he watched the boy seem to light up._

Reaching out, Blaine's fingers twined with Kurt's, and he pressed a gently awed kiss to the taller male's lips.

"Kurt, you look… amazing," he whispered after pulling back.

"So do you," the countertenor responded softly. Then he drew in a deep breath and announced, quietly and firmly, "I'm never saying goodbye to you."

The next kiss when Blaine fit his body tightly against Kurt's, was longer, deeper. Eventually, they parted and Blaine appeared to shake himself, before linking their arms and leading them down the rest of the stairs.

**… …**

**-Saturday, the reception hall and ballroom of the Dalton Boys Private Academy, 7:04 p.m.-**

Everything was perfect. The food and decorations were professional and subtly stunning. All the students and their dates were enjoying themselves. The lighting was intimate without being scandalous. The dancing was elegant and fun. And the music…

While Kurt and Blaine took a moment to sit and catch their breath, the old ND member watched his friends perform. They had been staggering some of the numbers so that everyone could have some downtime to enjoy themselves, and Kurt had already taken a turn around the floor with Brittany. Now, everyone was on stage, swaying a little as they sang. Tina and Santana were front and center, their voices blending surprisingly well in the lead notes.

"_O-oh, o-oh._"

"_Evacuate the dance floor!_"

"_O-oh, oh._"

"_I'm infected by the sound!_"

"_O-oh, o-oh._"

"_Stop, this beat is killing me! Hey Mr. DJ, let the music take me underground!_"

When Artie rolled forward for the rapping part, Kurt blinked and realized he genuinely missed hearing that.

"Now, guess who's back with a brand new track that got everybody in the club going mad? So everybody in the back, get your back up off the wall and just shake that thang! Go crazy, yo lady, yo baby, lemme see you shake that thang! Now drop it down low, low. Lemme see you take it to the dance floor!"

And the way Brittany and Mike were spinning and twirling and throwing tricks up on the stage was mesmerizing. He had always enjoyed when they would drag Tina and him into the choir room during lunch to learn new steps.

The moment of nostalgia passed, and Kurt found himself watching fondly as Blaine bounced in his seat, the smile he had worn all night still broad and excited.

The next performance was a duet by Rachel and Finn, and they stepped back onto the floor, taking the waltz position, even though they were standing far too close and were only swaying back and forth.

"_Without you, the ground thaws. The rain falls. The grass grows. Without you, the seeds root. The flowers bloom. The children play. The stars gleam. The poets dream. The eagles fly, without you. The earth turns. The sun burns. But I die, without you._

"_Without you, the breeze warms. The girl smiles. The cloud moves. Without you, the tides change. The boys run. The oceans crash. The crowds roar. The days soar. The babies cry, without you. The moon glows. The river flows. But I die, without you._"

Kurt wanted to feel nothing but Blaine's arms around him. Still, the words were painfully familiar.

"_The world revives-_"

"_Colors renew-_"

"_But I know blue, only blue. Lonely blue, within me blue-_"

"_Without you._"

He was safe at Dalton, and happy. He had friends, and the classes were challenging, and the teachers were kind. With a school like Dalton on your transcript, it would be much easier to get into a good college.

"_Without you, the hand gropes. The ear hears. The pulse beats._"

"_Without you, the eyes gaze. The legs walk. The lungs breathe._"

"_The mind churns!_"

"_The mind churns!_"

"_The heart yearns!_"

"_The heart yearns!_"

And the strongest argument – Blaine was here. At Dalton.

"_The tears dry, without you. Life goes on, but I'm gone 'cause I die, without you._"

"_Without you_."

"_Without you._"

"_Without you!_"

None of that changed how he ached to be back in the McKinley choir room, surrounded by the group of misfits who had become his family, dancing and singing and goofing off like they didn't have a care in the world.

As the next song started, Artie, Puck and Sam doing a cover of the appalling "Friday" song, Kurt felt someone grab him and spin him out of Blaine's grasp. Turning, he found Lauren winking at him and announcing, "You can have him back later, Eyebrows." Then she pulled him towards a well-loved group of girls, who crowded around him as they all danced together.

After that, Kurt took quick spins around the dance floor with- Well, it felt like everybody. Nick and Jeff tag teamed him several times, one dancing at his back, the other holding him from the front. Flint joined him in a smooth box step, and Santana insisted he partner with her when Finn sang "Tonight I'm Lovin' You". Rachel whined until he agreed to dance a quick jazz number with her, and Sam kept spinning Kurt around and around until he was dizzy and laughing. Trent pulled him close for a slow dance, and Tina taught him some of the choreography from the "Thriller/Heads Will Roll" mashup from earlier in the year. Artie insisted Kurt sit in his lap as he rolled them around, popping wheelies, and Puck had full-on started grinding up against Kurt during "Till the World Ends" (performed, of course, by Brittany). By the end, he wasn't even sure who he had and hadn't danced with. The last two before he was returned to Blaine were Mercedes and Finn, who both finished with a hug and quiet declarations of "We miss you".

When Kurt's hand was placed back in Blaine's, he could tell that his boyfriend knew something was different. Kurt was fighting back tears. He didn't want to choose. He wanted everyone he loved to be at one school, all together, safe and popular and having the time of their lives.

Life didn't work that way, though.

When Quinn started singing "Ordinary Day", Blaine gathered up his boyfriend and led him in a gentle waltz. Near the end, he leaned in and whispered, "Whatever you choose, they'll all still love you. And you'll always have me."

That earned a little smile and nod. Even if he did decide to transfer back, it wouldn't be until next year. But it felt like he needed to make his decision tonight, or he would miss some important moment.

Then the last song of the night was about to start and the ND members dragged him up to sing with them, and he knew.

"_Dreams – that's where I have to go to see your beautiful face anymore. I stare at a picture of you and listen to the radio._

"_Hope, hope there's a conversation where we both admit we had it good. But until then, it's alienation. I know that much is understood. And I realize…_"

It was his choice, just like Blaine said, and he still didn't want to make it. The Warblers were, after all, making progress. They had learned that change and spontaneity could be good.

"_If you ask me how I'm doing, I would say I'm doing just fine. I would lie and say that you're not on my mind. But I go out, and I sit down at a table set for two, and finally I'm forced to face the truth: No matter what I say, I'm not over you. Not over you._"

Those lines struck, and his head and heart came to the abrupt agreement that it was time to go home.

"_Damn, damn girl, you do it well. And I thought you were innocent. Took this heart and put it through hell, but still you're magnificent. I- I'm a boomerang, doesn't matter how you throw me – I turn around and I'm back in the game, even better than the old me. But I'm not even close without you._"

The song was sweet and sad and the relationship it described perfectly fit the way the McKinley glee club interacted. They could be horrible to one another, but in the end there was no one they trusted more or would do their best to protect and support than each other.

"_If you ask me how I'm doing, I would say I'm doing just fine. I would lie and say that you're not on my mind. But I go out, and I sit down at a table set for two, and finally I'm forced to face the truth: No matter what I say, I'm not over you._"

And he would miss Blaine. He fully expected being separated from the other boy would cripple him for a while. Kurt would make it, though. They would still see each other, text and call and chat online. They would still go on dates and sing silly songs together.

They were the high school relationship that would last. Some people might think it was impossible or naïve, and that as they grew and matured they would become too different, but Kurt truly believed that what they had was meant to last. He had told Blaine the truth when said he was never going to say goodbye to him.

"_And if I had the chance to renew, you know there isn't a thing I wouldn't do. I could get back on the right track, but only if you'd be convinced. So until then…_"

Come the end of summer, though, Lima was where he belonged. He had made his decision.

"_If you ask me how I'm doing, I would say I'm doing just fine. I would lie and say that you're not on my mind. But I go out, and I sit down at a table set for two, and finally I'm forced to face the truth: No matter what I say, I'm not over you. Not over you. Not over you. Not over you_."

Kurt Hummel wasn't done with McKinley just yet.

**… …**

**_Decision: _****_For my senior year, I'm transferring back to William McKinley Public High School. I'll still be friends with the Dalton boys, but I need to be with my family. And that's New Directions._**

**_**_I talked with the Warblers, and they said they would miss me. New Directions, on the other hand, is over the moon._**_**

**_And Blaine… When I told Blaine, he smiled and simply said, "I'm never saying goodbye to you, either."_**

**… …**

**end.**

**… …**

**…**

**… …**

a/n Thank you to everyone who has shown an interest in this story! This is the end of this fic, but I have one final fic to finish and post that goes along with this 'verse. It will be entitled "22 Moments and a Life", and will cover the end of the school year, the summer in between, and on into the very beginning of Kurt's senior year. Hopefully it will be up within the next two weeks.

Again, thank you!


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